In Sleep we lie all naked and alone, in Sleep we are united at the heart of night and darkness, and we are strange and beautiful asleep; for we are dying the darkness and we know no death. —Tom Wolfe
Do a quick search on sleeping naked and you’ll inevitably find all kinds of advice columns about the health benefits of tossing your pajamas to the side before you slip under the covers. Some of those articles even invoke science and medicine, which makes me sad that I wasn’t invited to be part of those studies. I would happily volunteer for someone to pay me to sleep. I wouldn’t even charge that much; maybe ten dollars so I could buy a decent breakfast when I woke up. Such is the story of my life, though. No one ever invites me to participate in the really fun experiments.
Sleeping naked is something into which one gradually becomes comfortable. I don’t think anyone can make the claim that it’s natural. Even babies liked to be diapered and swaddled tightly. Sleeping naked requires the right combination of comfortable accommodations and safe environment. The room temperature has to be just right. The sheets have to be clean and soft. Any companion not only has to also be naked, but they have to be totally non-judgmental; not merely about your body, but about your sleeping style as well. This sleeping naked thing gets complicated.
Then, there’s the matter of children. There’s no sleeping naked when there are children in the house who are old enough to come wandering in to talk to mommy in the middle of the night, and it’s always mommy they want. The sounds daddies make when they sleep are frightening to small children, so they always choose the quieter parent; the one they mistakenly assume to be more sympathetic and comforting. Having absolutely no concept of spatial boundaries, children will attempt to crawl right into the bed with you and when you are sleeping naked things immediately become awkward, if not downright embarrassing.
Sure, sleeping naked is wonderful, good for your health and good for relationships, but it sure is a lot of trouble as well. By the time one has mitigated the risk factors, changed the sheets, put out the candles, locked the doors, changed the batteries in the smoke detectors, and duct taped the children to their beds, you might just be too exhausted to care. And there’s no rest for the wicked, so I’ve heard, so I might as well make another pot of coffee.