Once upon a time, absolutely nothing happened on the track at IMS before 8:00 AM. That is no longer the case. The first set of cars was off and running at 7:30 this morning. I hadn’t planned on being awake at 7:30. I had intentionally turned off my alarm for this morning in the hope we could sleep. You see, the animals respond to my schedule. They know I feed them, so they don’t start raising a fuss until they see I’m up. So, if we all want to sleep late, I have to stay in bed. But no, that didn’t happen this morning.
Then, we discovered that the bacon was missing from the kitchen. Kat pre-cooked a pound of bacon yesterday so we’d have it to go with meals. All of it, including the plate it was on, has disappeared. I know the dogs didn’t get it because they stayed right next to me all day. The cats might have tried nabbing it, but they wouldn’t have taken the damn plate. I’m sure whatever happened to it is my fault because it was there when Kat left for work yesterday. I’ll have to buy more to replace it.
There’s not much else that happened yesterday. I made dinner. The kids were unusually interactive (and loud). I tried to control my anger over the absolute insanity showing up in my newsfeed. Did you know that Fox News actually thinks that religion promotes strong mental health? That flies in the face of studies like this one, this one, and this one showing that believing in a vengeful, punishing deity has negative effects that lead to depression, suicide, and violent tendencies.
We posted this video yesterday, but since only three people have seen it, let me post it again. Take the message to heart:
I am deeply saddened when I see people I’ve liked in the past posting some of the most transphobic nonsense. When I see someone posting blatantly incorrect information about Israel, Gaza, Ukraine, or Sudan, I question whether there’s a disconnect in their cerebral cortex. There is no room on the planet for bigotry. Ignorance cannot continue to be tolerated.
But who’s listening? Who cares? Perhaps, no one.
Whether you like someone or not is irrelevant. Everyone on the planet deserves a safe place to exist, a sufficient amount of food to eat, healthcare without prequalifications, personal dignity (respecting how they identify), and love.
You don’t get to deny them these rights. They don’t get to deny you, either. That’s the way it has to be.
IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, THAT’S JUST TOUGH. SIT THERE AND BE BITTER BUT STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY.
FOREVER.
Today is the first official day of practice and qualifying open to the public at IMS. I’d tell you to not bother going and instead spend your money somewhere more deserving, and it bothers me when you don’t listen. Qualifying this afternoon is for tomorrow’s Sonsio Grand Prix. Who the hell is Sonsio? They’re the people who’ve been trying to reach you about your car/home’s extended warranty. It’s an insurance company and they damn sure don’t need your money. You’d be better off putting your premiums in a passbook savings account. I’m sure around 15,000 people will still be there because they have money to burn and no conscience for the rest of the world. It’s sad, really, how little these people give a shit.
It was 50 degrees when I took the dogs out this morning. Temps are on the low side all weekend and there’s a chance of showers every day, mostly in the evening/overnight. I’m looking at the calendar trying to figure out the best time to mow. Looking at the forecast, Sunday would be the best day, but that’s Mother’s Day and I’d rather the kids not be all sweaty when Kat gets home.
Interested in “eating the rich?” Be aware that there’s a showdown coming as the 2017 tax cuts for the super-wealthy are due to expire. I would tell you to contact your legislators but we all know they don’t pay a damn bit of attention because they know you won’t vote them the fuck out as they deserve. The American public is spineless. These tax cuts shouldn’t have happened in the first place and I don’t see any of you shouting out against them.
Oh, and get this: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu says he doesn’t give a shit if the US doesn’t send bombs for them to drop on Rafah. They’re going to invade and wipe out the border city anyway. This is how much of a bitch Netanyahu is. He doesn’t care how Israelis feel. He doesn’t care how the world sees the conflict. He’s a power-mad authoritarian who is turning history on its ear by engaging in the same form of atrocities against Palestine as the Germans did against Jews a century ago. Anyone who is not supporting a two-state resolution to Gaza is wrong and you’ll never convince me otherwise.
If there is any question that popular music has gotten worse over the past 50 years, here’s the proof. New research suggests that music since the 80s, including all of Taylor Swift’s eras, has become more negative, angrier, and more simple. Perhaps that’s why older music is still preferred by almost everyone with a brain. Or, it could be due to the fact that the world you’ve created is more negative and angrier and the music is reflective of that. Either way, ’70s music still rocks.
Oh, and just in case you’re buying into the claptrap that Elon Musk and other GOP mouthpieces are spewing, no noncitizens cannot vote in federal elections.
I’m in a mood this morning and coffee alone isn’t going to fix it.
What we want to do and what we actually get done are often two different things. Yesterday ended up being a sleep day and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it except make sure I stayed close to the bed. These are the days that ruin my need to get a business back up and running. I need to make contact with people who might want to take pictures, but instead, I end up snuggled between two dogs and five cats as though the world is about to end. Making matters more challenging is the fact that every bone I have is hurting this morning. The forecast shows both cooler temps and continuing showers for the next five days making it likely that I’ll do well to take the dogs out when needed.
I have to remember that we’re getting close to both kids being out of school and that we’re forever saying goodbye to Enlace Academy as Tipper graduates 8th grade. I’ll have to say more about that later as I’m emotionally not ready for that reality. As much as any child complains about school, both kids are better for having gone there.
One good thing about yesterday is that Kat brought home Indian food for dinner and there are leftovers that I’ll largely get to myself as the kids seem to be allergic to eating anything cooked yesterday. I’ve not had Indian food since treatment started so this was a real treat.
There’s really nothing else that immediately affects our daily lives that’s worth talking about. I did get a form yesterday for having a third party able to address my health needs. I’m not sure whether to fill it out or not. I’m not sure I’m ready to give up control.
A young woman a couple of doors North of us kicked her boyfriend to the curb yesterday. It wasn’t pretty. He had to call someone to come get him and she was very vocal in letting him know why he was no longer welcome. His only comeback was to call her a b*tch repeatedly. But then, as his ride is leaving, he threatens to come back and “pop a cap” in her. Then, there were two pops. I don’t *think* they were gunshots. The young woman wasn’t phased. The Latino family across the street from her wasn’t phased and they had babies out playing. Still, knowing that the majority of violence in town is revenge-style stupidity, I’m concerned. We’re easily within range of any stray gunfire.
This is life in America, though. We duck and dodge the trouble our neighbors create and hope we don’t get caught in the crossfire. There’s no solution when a certain part of the population thinks violence is part of their culture, something to which they have a right.
Does anyone want to go get coffee? Maybe that would keep me awake.
There were few good moments yesterday as it would rain, then stop, then rain more, then stop, then wind, more rain, a threat of tornadoes, then nothing. My body didn’t have time to adjust too much so it decided to shut down. Our shipment of cat litter arrived before the kids got home so I had to be the one to carry it in. My body didn’t like that. Nausea hit so hard that I had to take a shower and change clothes. Most of the rest of the day was spent in bed or in the bathroom. Fortunately, the kids are good at taking care of themselves, but I actually had a decent dinner planned and couldn’t stand up long enough to fix it.
Tipper had a problem at school yesterday when someone in one of her classes wrote “Fuck [her name]” on one of the tables. Since no one admitted witnessing the act, no one was admonished or punished. Tipper is more than ready to graduate and never see those particular classmates again. Fortunately, she’ll be in a more supportive atmosphere next school year.
Ryn (aka Big Gabe) called yesterday and gave me an update on all the gossip in that part of the family. The biggest impact is that they’ve blocked their grandparents for refusing to recognize them as non-binary. Their grandfather’s 85th birthday is next week and Ryn’s refusing to go, which I totally agree with. The grandparents have been nothing but manipulative their entire life and if they can’t be supportive then no, Ryn has no obligation to associate with them.
The other big news is that I’m attempting to get back into photography. All the why and wherefore are in yesterday’s post. I’m looking for volunteers so I can update my portfolio appropriately. Contact me here or on Facebook. How I’m going to juggle this along with the chemo, I don’t know. To a large degree, it doesn’t matter. Congress isn’t likely to prevent the severe cut in Social Security scheduled for ’33, so I need to take preventative action of my own now, even if it causes further health issues.
Speaking of the dicks in Congress, House Speaker Johnson doesn’t seem to understand how the separation of powers works. Yesterday, he “demanded” that all trials against the former president must stop on grounds that they amount to election interference. Yeah, that’s really the tact they’re taking. Nimwits. That’s not the way the system works. Congress doesn’t get to interfere in ongoing trials. These idiots are power-hungry and severely delusional. Please, vote and replace them all.
The fog this morning is severe. More rain is forecasted for this evening so I’ll need to complete whatever I’m going to do early today. Not that I had much planned, mind you. Feel free to distract me with coffee.
Somedays one takes a nap only to wake up and discover that the whole world has gone to hell in a handbasket. Okay, that can’t really happen because that’s exactly where we were before we took the nap. But, among the things slapping me in the face of reality are facts such as the Boy Scouts of America are changing their name to be more inclusive, TikTok owner ByteDance sued the US Government over the whole influence/data kerfuffle, and oh, look at this, I only have nine years left to live. Don’t laugh, if you’re using Social Security as any portion of your income, you’re in for a 21% cut come 1/1/33.
Now, Congress can fix that automatic reduction, but let’s be realistic: they won’t. Congress, for the past 16 years, has been the biggest bunch of do-nothing morons the world has ever seen. This particular Congress has passed fewer than 100 bills, the lowest amount ever. Why? Because they’re too busy flapping their yaps about things that you and I don’t give a shit about, like who’s giving the best hand job under the table. The chances that any future Congress is going to do any better is nill because there are too many nut jobs who think they need to elect people like them who are also nut jobs, which is how Marjorie Taylor Greene got into office in the first place. No, you idiots, you need to elect people who are smarter than you because you don’t know shit about running a government.
Anyway, I already can’t afford to live on what I’m making from Social Security and I damn sure can’t handle a 21% cut when I’m 72 years old. That means I need to get back to work taking pictures or I’m going to die. That’s it. My only salvation is to get back to doing the one thing I know best: photography.
Of course, that comes with a number of challenges. In case you hadn’t noticed, I have nothing in my archives newer than 2021. That means I need to take a shit ton of new pictures. Should be doable, right? Oh yeah, I don’t have any equipment anymore! And to go out and purchase all new pro-level equipment would set me back around $15,000 which I don’t have. Furthermore, given that this is like starting all over again, there’s no way I dare go into debt because I may well keel over and die before I can pay it back.
Ah, but there is a solution. My dear phone, which I loathe when it rings, has a 36-megapixel camera built in. While the zoom on the lens leaves a lot to be desired, it’s surprisingly good at portraits. I can shoot in RAW mode, onboard in Lightroom, and then finish up in Photoshop just like I would using any other digital camera. How good is it?
I took that shot in my bathroom just now with only the 8-megapixel self-facing camera, indoors, using only ambient light. Now, if you’ve seen me in person lately, you know I don’t even come close to actually looking that good. If I can do that good with the bad side of the phone, imagine how much better resolution I can get with the good side facing you!
So, I’m issuing an Open Call for “models” who are willing to help me build out my portfolio again. I’m thinking especially of some surreal concepts based on some of the strange movies I’ve seen and the costumes at last night’s Met Gala (Rita Ora’s beads, for starters). Talk to me, either here or on Facebook, and let’s put something together!
Now, be aware that I’m not as young and nimble as I once was. Because of all these fun health issues I now have, we get to abide by the following rules:
If you have any questions, just ask. Let’s do what we can to make images that really stand out from the IG and TikTok crowd (while it lasts). I’m thinking, at the moment, that I can do the first 100 sets for trade. After I feel that I’ve sufficiently proven the value of what I can do, I’ll start charging again.
Does all that make sense? I’ve got to do something because nine years goes by in a heartbeat and I don’t want to get caught without sufficient income to live. Hit me up and let’s do something amazing!
Ouch, my calves hurt. Walking is such a fun challenge. After Sunday’s activities, my body didn’t especially appreciate having to move yesterday. I kept my activity to a minimum, edited some pictures that I may take down later, took the dogs outside as necessary, and did frozen pizza for dinner. The kids were happy and I didn’t risk straining anything. Today may be similar. the forecast shows a 100% chance of rain and if we end up getting some of the system that spawned tornadoes in Oklahoma last night (it will likely go south of us) then getting out of bed may be a struggle.
G has been given a chance to spend a week at Purdue this summer, earning both college and high school credit. Being a PPHS student allows him to attend for free. I’m excited for him to go not only because of the program but for the opportunity to experience a taste of dorm life and eating on a meal plan. Think back to your own college experience: how many kids bailed out quickly because they couldn’t adjust to campus life, being away from home, having to make basic decisions for themselves, and being responsible about meals? We’ve not been able to give him long overnight camp experiences. This is a chance for him to test his mettle without us being there looking over his shoulder.
Tipper, on the other hand, is bailing on her class’s trip to Chicago this weekend. The annual 8th-grade trip is supposed to be a reward for all their hard work, but Tipper only sees it as a long bus ride with a lot of people she doesn’t like. Of course, we’re not forcing her to go, but her lack of positive social interaction bothers me.
A pop-up notification from the National Weather Service just informed me that this afternoon’s storms could be severe, with high winds and possibly hail. Afternoon. When the kids are on buses. How do I not worry about that?
In reading an article this morning about re-drawing political district lines in Louisiana, I see that white voters are claiming that having districts favoring African Americans offends their (the white people’s) “personal dignity.” Okay, if you really want to start that fight, let’s go for it.
According to Deleware Law School, which seems to have the most concise and least confusing definition, personal dignity is defined as “the equal, inherent, and inalienable value of every person. It touches every important aspect of the human experience, from sexual and gender identity, to citizenship, equality and privacy, education and employment, healthcare, and more.” Okay, pretty straightforward. Sort of.
The International Journal of Constitutional Law, [Volume 10, Issue 2, 30 March 2012] makes the argument that “in spite of widespread international agreement on the importance of the principle, there is a significant degree of confusion regarding what it demands of lawmakers and adjudicators, and considerable inconsistency in its formulation and application in domestic constitutional law.” The author argues that “there is little or no consensus as to what the concept of human dignity demands of lawmakers and adjudicators. Indeed, for all the importance and emphasis placed on human dignity in the text of international conventions, domestic constitutions, and court decisions, the elusive nature of the concept has led many commentators to argue that it is, at best, meaningless or unhelpful, and at worst, potentially damaging to the protection of fundamental human rights.”
Most of the argument comes down to how loosely courts and legislators have played with the term, resulting in it having no practical meaning at all. Is “dignity” a right or is it a characteristic of something else?
Here’s my take: if “personal dignity” is a right that is defensible under the Constitution, then:
I could go on with that list for a long time but you’d stop reading before getting into the more detailed elements. The issue is “the relative looseness with which the term has been used by drafters, judges, and academics, as a consequence of which domestic constitutional law frequently defines “dignity” in a manner that cannot be reconciled with international human rights law.” [ibid.] We need a tighter definition that prevents courts and legislators from watering it down to the point it doesn’t exist. Until that happens, until we stand up for all human rights (which the US has yet to do), then none of us can claim any right to personal dignity. Attempting to do so only puts us at odds, possibly in violation of everyone else’s personal dignity.
If you disagree, feel free to present a reasonable and intelligent argument in the comments below.
The sad fact is that we only want rights and freedoms for people who look, act, and think like we do. We don’t understand universal freedom because we’re afraid of it, afraid that it might change the way we live, who controls the power, and how we might dominate those around us. To claim that allowing people of color to vote in a district designed to represent them violates your rights is racist and empty. You have zero right to deny someone else adequate representation in Congress or anywhere else.
I’m loudly in favor of breaking up the “good old boys club.” I’m unapologetically in favor of removing the influence of any religion from government. We need to re-think the whole mess in terms of global human rights because the movement of people across national borders, the ability to access and influence information without nationalistic or religious barriers, warrants that we protect the rights not only of those who live within our borders, but everyone who may, whether physically or digitally, visit our lands, our thoughts, our art, our education, or any other readily accessible portion of our existence. You can take your offense and shove it up your ass.
Meanwhile, I’m going to have leftover pizza for breakfast.
They just are.
Yesterday was one of the most full and busy days I’ve had in quite a while. We started with lawn mowing. I tackled the portion outside the fence starting at 8:30 so I could hand the rest off to the kids with the instruction to be done by noon. When I came back in, I had a message waiting from Jennifer Tuttle asking if I wanted to go hiking and look for snakes. Hell, yeah! I dug my hiking boots out from under the bed (not an easy task) and took a quick shower because I really needed it. By the time I was ready, the kids were done with the lawn and Jenn was here.
We went out to Eagle Creek Park and started our search. While Jenn looked for snakes, I kept a lookout for bears. You’d think as much as people have been talking about bears in the woods, we’d have seen several. Alas, we both struck out. No snakes and no bears, despite the fact that the trail was loaded with bear bait in the form of babies in backpacks most often carried by random men. Jenn got pictures of young frogs and a couple of adorable little goslings playing in the water. I took pictures of a freakin’ huge mushroom and a tree stump on which someone had decided to test their router. Why someone would take a router to the woods, I don’t know. Bears don’t eat routers.
We stopped by the store on the way home to pick up cat food and a few other things. I grabbed a quick bite to eat and then got a message from Kat asking if I wanted to go to the park with her and Tipper. This was a challenge. I’d already been to the park and hadn’t napped yet. Should I risk trying to go out again? I decided that I needed to challenge myself. I could pay for the consequences later.
The thing about going to the park with Kat and Tipper is that you know it will probably not be an overly energetic outing. Kat found a table where she could draw while Tipper and I slowly walked around Lilly Lake. Tipper never walks all that fast. She enjoys going slow and investigating everything she comes across. As we were walking, we found a tree stump surrounded by yellow flowers. A ray of sunshine delightfully lit the stump. I carefully guided Tipper in taking an amazing picture that would impress almost anyone. These are the Daddy/Daughter moments I cherish.
Once again, we stopped by the store on the way home. Kat needed a handful of things for dinner. We got home, though, to discover that one of our refrigerators had gone out. The food was starting to get warm. The food was quickly transferred to the other fridge so we didn’t lose anything, but the loss of the fridge is going to mean trimming back what we keep in stock.
Why do we need two refrigerators? Because there were three different sets of nutritional needs. The kids, so far, can eat anything, and will. Kat’s diet is limited, though, due to chronic ulcerative colitis. That means nothing with a hush or any kind of roughage. She’s mostly limited to proteins and simple starches, with no fiber. I’m diabetic: low sugar, high fiber, moderate protein, all the veggies. Finding meals we can all eat is a challenge. More often than not, the kids eat one thing, and Kat and I eat something else. This means needing to keep a lot of different food on hand, thus, the need for a second fridge.
Kat fixed a wonderful dinner, but by this point, I was having a lot of trouble staying awake. After eating and bundling up leftovers for breakfast this morning, I came back to the room and fell fast asleep. Total walking for the day was over 8,000 steps, just under four miles. That’s the most active I’ve been in a very long time.
The question now is how my body will respond to yesterday’s activity. I can already tell you that everything is sore, but with rain moving in I’m not sure if it’s because of the exercise or arthritis. Something tells me this will be a bed day. With rain forecasted for almost every day this week, yesterday’s exercise may have to do me until next weekend.
Let this be proof, however, that I’m not an invalid. I can get out, hike trails, and do things. I’m just not as fast and may need to stop and rest more often. If anyone wants to go for a walk/hike, hit me up!
From here, Saturday felt like a Sunday well into the evening. It was a feeling that I couldn’t shake no matter what we did. I got the kids outside in the morning and fixed the problem of “I don’t know how to use the weed trimmer.” They’ll be handling that task more regularly going forward. Tipper then asked for pancakes for lunch, which sounded like a good idea. I botched the pan temperature, though, and the first four stuck to the pan. One was so bad I had to feed it to the dogs. By the time that was all done, I needed a nap.
Nausea hit later in the afternoon. No idea why, really, Normally, if it’s chemo-related, it happens in relative proximity to taking the pills. The Gang of Five curled up around me on the bed, though, and we got through it. They proceeded to hang around through dinner, disappointed that I didn’t toss them scraps. They tend to be that way.
Not very exciting, is it? No, I didn’t watch the Derby, though I understand the photo finish was exciting. I just can’t get into the big hats and big attitude and, oh yeah, the cruelty to horses. I know the industry has changed a lot in the past few years, but there are still too many horses having to be put down because of injuries on the track. Sorry, not supporting that environment.
We’ll mow this morning while I continue to curse the racism and environmental destruction of zoning laws. The zoning maggot was out in his car on Friday, cruising the neighborhood and taking notes. Fortunately, I suppose, I’m not the kind of person who thinks violence is a solution to governmental problems. But don’t expect me to keep my mouth shut about it, either.
I’m waiting for life to be fun again. I’d settle for a walk in the park this afternoon, but Kat probably won’t be home in time. There are too many days, like today, when I feel as though we’re merely existing, not living. I don’t suppose anyone would let me take their picture with the RAW setting on my phone, would they?
Give me some inspiration in the comments below, please. I need something to keep me going.
Try sleeping late on a Saturday morning when all the animals in the house are accustomed to the 6:00 AM weekday schedule. The dogs aren’t really that much of a problem. I took them outside late enough that they were comfortable waiting on me to move first. The cats, on the other hand, are less patient. They began invading the Recovery Room when I hadn’t fed them by 7:30. They climbed on top of me, nudged me, licked me, and mewed in my face to let me know that they were going to starve to death if I didn’t get up right now. Fortunately, Kat was already awake so the impact was minimal. Still, there are days when the cats’ alarms need to turn off.
The first message I saw this morning was from a college friend, one of the smoothest tenor voices I’ve ever heard, letting me know that he, too, has now been diagnosed with cancer. I guess we’re all at that age where our bodies turn against us. Whether it is a familial inclination that plagued the generations before us or the aggregate compound effect of life’s choices, we see more of our friends fighting health battles that keep them from engaging in the things they love. We work all our lives, practice, study, and perhaps even experiment with our craft, trying to become the best we are capable of being, wanting to be one of the wise elders who is respected as we pass information down to subsequent generations. Yet, when we’re at that point in life when we should be enjoying the fruits of our labor, we get hit with some disease that strips away all that glory and leaves us with a shell that struggles to survive. We may still live but not at the timbre we did before.
I made the mistake of watching Anne Hathaway’s new movie, “The Idea of You” last night. It was a mistake not because of the quality of the movie; as rom-coms go, it was rather decent. But it highlights the challenges of not only finding love as we get older (in this case, “older” being a whopping 40 years old) but also what happens when you find it in someone significantly younger. For the movie’s characters, the solution was simply to wait five years when the social effects were less severe. Whether it’s inadvertent or not, the movie also demonstrates the degree to which finances play a role in finding these exceptional forms of love. Had the younger male character not been swimming in cash, had the female not been independently financially stable, the romance would never have happened in the first place. Money put them where they were.
There are always people in our lives who will say, “I love you.” How they mean that changes over the years. Much of the time, the definition is along the lines of, “I appreciate your place in my life and value your presence.” That’s nice, and it keeps us from being able to complain that no one loves us. What we lose, though, are those people who would define their love as a soul-level experience, a desire to be an intimate and constant part of who we are, what we’re doing, and wanting to join their lives to ours for everyone’s pleasure. That love? Yeah, you can kiss that goodbye as you get older. Companions become tolerated because, if not them, who? Even then, for how long? The deep connections we have with people erode with time. We’re no longer exciting to be with. There’s nothing new in our relationships as we become set in our ways and, we like being set in our ways.
At the end of the movie, she’s 45 with a daughter happily in college. He’s 30 with a new solo album. As the movie ends, the producers would have you believe that their relationship picks right back up with the same level of passion as before. You and I both know that’s not the way it works, though. Things happened over those five years. Everyone changes. Five years, especially when you’re twenty-five, is a long time and our emotions change dramatically. We might remember former loves tenderly, even longingly, but the day-to-day is going to have less passion, less heat, and more illness and doctor’s visits and disparities between our desires. Maybe he wants a family. She already has one. He wants to keep that jet-set life. She’s anchored to the business she owns. As the movie fades to black, the relationship inevitably falls apart.
Maybe what’s disturbing is that ending: all our lives slowly fade to black. We still want that high, the fiery love that we knew when we were young and healthy but it’s no longer something we can maintain. Not only is the other person letting go, but we let go of ourselves because who we are now is not the person we thought we’d be.
Or maybe I’m just an old man babbling in a pool of loneliness. I really shouldn’t watch rom-coms.
The pups weren’t of a mind to hang out in yesterday’s mid-80s temps. We’d go outside, I’d settle down in a chair, and they’d be ready to go back inside. They were out long enough to scare Lilly, the baby Jack Russel Terrier next door, out for her first walk on a leash. All it took was one big “woof” and she was telling her mom, “Nope, outside is too dangerous. Let’s go back in.” Hamilton was especially disappointed.
Thanks to Kat, we did get to have pizza for dinner. It’s been long enough since pizza was an option that the kids downed it gleefully for a change. They’ll be okay going another couple of months without it. I’m the one with the problem. Visions of a truly deep dish Chicago-style pizza wander through my brain, longing in my … stomach I guess, because my heart certainly doesn’t need that much cholesterol.
Otherwise, yesterday was rather boring. Oh, I did re-apply for Medicaid after finding out Kat and the kids were approved. The challenge is likely to be that we share an address and resources. We don’t go through the fridge labeling who gets to eat which food. We don’t have separate meters for utilities. We’ll have to see what happens. Having Medicaid back would open more housing choices.
Still, I don’t have any exciting news to share. I’m sorry. There weren’t even any interesting dreams last night. Headlines? Same stuff we’ve been reading about for over a month. No one’s changing their mind, Congress won’t get off their ass, rich people are getting richer and caring less about the rest of us, and stock values are up enough that Apple announced a huge buy-back for this quarter. Crude oil prices are taking a dump, but they’ll be back up when Israel inevitably turns Rafah into dust, just because they can and Netanyahu is a war criminal. An Oregon couple just let their two-day-old infant die because of their insane religious beliefs. An NYPD officer fired into the ceiling as he was breaking up a protest at Columbia University. No one was hurt so he’ll get a reprimand and be back doing the same thing this morning.
If you’re a fan of Rue21, liquidation sales are happening as the brand clears all remaining stock as part of its bankruptcy deal. The IRS announced yesterday that it plans to triple the audit rates on large corporations with assets of more than $250 million, large partnerships with assets of more than $10 million, and wealthy individuals with a total positive income of more than $10 million. It’s not as effective as eating the rich, but it could give a few a place on the menu.
This is that time of year when we waste time speculating on what’s going to happen next when we have no real clue as to what’s going to actually happen next. Isn’t life fun?
Hit me up and let’s get coffee. That’s probably the best way we can spend our time.
Before we get into anything else, I need to clear up the mystery of why the cops were at the neighbor’s house at 12:45 in the morning the other night. Turns out, they were attempting to deliver a felony warrant for someone named Daquan (sp?) Jones. They knocked on the neighbor’s door, waking him but not his wife. When he answered, they explained what they were doing and he let them come in and look. There was no Daquan there. No one named Daquan has ever lived there. The previous owner, Linda, did have a weird guy who lived with her some and then always showed up for race day, but he doesn’t seem like the Daquan type. The cops didn’t say what charges the dude was wanted on, but ya’ gotta assume that it was rather serious if 14 cops decked out in full tactical gear and assault rifles were needed to bring the guy in. If anyone knows Daquan, you might want to tell him to turn himself in before the cops blow his head off.
Our neighbors next door have had a rough start to the year’s first half. Her Dad passed a couple of months ago, then both of their elderly dogs died, and then her mom passed two weeks ago. I don’t care who you are, that’s an emotional tornado that scrambles all your feelings and leaves you feeling torn apart. Their solution: they bought an 8-week-old Jack Russel Terrier yesterday. They’ve named her Libby. Obviously, the pup was still a bit scared when they brought her out to say hi. We hope this begins to help with some of the healing they need.
Yesterday was a good day to sit outside with the pups, so we did. A lot. Kat got her Medicaid back yesterday, so I will be checking today to see if mine is reinstated. I’ll also be seeing if there’s any other assistance I can get. Anything to help.
Last night’s dreams were surreal. See if you can make any sense of this. Imagine living at the top of a very tall building, the tallest building in town. The building has a triangle shape, not a pyramid, not quite a right triangle (more like 80 degrees), and at the top is a large rectangle-shaped apartment jutting out from the top of the building; that’s where you live, in that rectangle. Waking up, wearing pajamas (which I never do), I look out the window, and across the courtyard, a video is being projected onto another building. The video is an artist’s vision of two trees, one at each end, with red-spectrumed rectangle-shaped leaves falling in rhythm. As the leaves fall, they play music. I can’t hear what music, but scattered across the courtyard are a number of people conducting the music, full scores scattered in front of them, as the leaves fall.
Getting out of bed, I begin to explore the apartment. With every turn, I find a recessed door hidden in the architecture. Each subsequent room is a different sensory experience. One involves interacting with water by using your voice. Another is electronic matter challenging your perspective and opinion on contemporary issues. Yet another is a wood floor with children cutting out different shapes and as they place the shapes on the floor, they become music, and moving the shapes around the floor creates a song.
Moving from room to room takes me slowly downward through the building. I’m still barefoot and in pajamas. I ask someone for a cup of coffee. What they bring back is a bowl with a cup’s worth of coffee, but the bowl is large enough that it looks like very little. A strange-looking amphibian in a tank morphs its shape in response to my hand motions. A few rooms later, a camel is leaning against the glass taking a nap. Two prides of lions seem to be facing off until a massive orangutan picks up one of the troublesome females and carries her off. Nurses under a canvas tent were giving vaccinations to newborn animals and wrapping them in cloth diapers.
I passed briefly by a jungle court in progress but was encouraged to not linger. The animals were sitting in judgment of humans.
While the building was full of people, especially school-age children who seemed to be on field trips, I was the only one who lived there. I asked repeatedly why I was the only one living in the big rectangle and what my responsibilities were, but no one ever answered that question. Instead, they would re-direct me to another fascination or oddity.
So many rooms. So many tactile and emotional experiences. I felt warm, at home; curious but comfortable. Waking up was a shock to the senses, seconds before my alarm went off. As odd as it was, the dream left me with a feeling of peace, but I have no sense as to what any of it might mean if it means anything at all.
Such is the start of today. The bear and I may go for a walk in the woods if we can hitch a ride to the park. Does anyone care to go with us?
Happy May Day! I might eventually get accustomed to the idea that no one celebrates anymore. No one ever invites me to a Maypole. And there are never any worker riots, though we could probably use some. I mean, we’re halfway to Summer! Why shouldn’t we celebrate? Okay, so it’s supposed to be a little cooler here the next couple of days. It’s still warm enough that we could go outside and play with colorful ribbons and such. I’m sure the dogs would love to participate as well!
I found out yesterday afternoon that our neighbor across the street had a visit from IMPD at about 12:30 AM. Why? We’re not sure. Our next-door neighbor’s security cameras caught all the actions. Several squad cars pulled up, and surrounded the house, and officers exited with their rifles at the ready. They were shining flashlights in the windows, but they never breached the front door. When they were finally satisfied that there was no imminent threat, they put away their rifles, then gathered in the middle of the intersection and chatted for the next 15 minutes. How the hell that much activity failed to awaken anyone in our house amazes me. I’m hoping to be able to catch the neighbor out today and ask them what was up. My guess: their alarm system, which is monitored 24/7, made an error and thought they had an intruder when they didn’t.
Looking for an apartment is going on hold. Everyone wants an application fee and several places won’t even show you the property until you pay the damn application fee. I don’t have money for an application fee, so we’ll wait until I do.
Everything else is pretty much nonsense. There’s not a damn thing I can do about campus protests. I’ve already shared my opinion and that’s all I’m going to say about them. Actually, if we go back a few years, I’ve also shared my opinion on protesting here and here. I even have one post about Protesting Naked. Anything else I would say at this point would be redundant.
If you fly, and I haven’t since returning from New York in 2005, you may want to watch the Senate as it attempts to renew the FAA authorization. No, it makes zero sense that the Federal Aviation Administration, which controls all the airspace in the US, requires re-authorization. EVER. The fact that it’s left to a group of political numbskulls is yet another reason not to be flying. The biggest danger is all the unrelated amendments that senators want to add to a must-pass bill. The committee has already knocked down Sen. Cruz’s amendment for extra security for politicians. They also killed an amendment that would have raised the mandatory retirement age for pilots from 65 to 67. That one’s a big deal considering the growing pilot shortage. IF you fly, you’ll want to pay close attention to that one. This makes taking the train sound like a much better deal.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention G’s influence on everyone’s dreams last night. He fell asleep while watching something on YouTube. When the video ended, YouTube punted to something else, then something even more different. At one point, after midnight, whatever it was showing had a soundtrack like a cheesy, low-budget 1980s knockoff of a Richard Chamberlain adventure movie. That influenced everyone’s dreams and we all woke up complaining about the strangeness. G promised to be more careful about turning off YouTube in the future. 🤣
As for the rest of this morning’s news, there’s not a damn thing you or I can do about it. A lot of it, honestly, is artificial. Politicians barking at other politicians is a complete waste of time; something for them to do in place of actually governing. I’d love to see an episode of “Survivor where the entire Congress is locked in the chamber without their cell phones or laptops and forced to balance the damn budget without raising taxes on those making less than $150,000 (yeah, that really is the median point now). I’d put money on Rep. Greene behind the first one kicked out. It would be the most interesting and valuable thing they’ve done all term.
I wonder if I could make a Maypole with the laundry…
The good news is that we heard back from three of the property managers we contacted yesterday. The bad news is that, of those three, one has a 4-6 month waitlist for people over 62, and another doesn’t have anything close to my price and suggested I “call 211 for emergency housing assistance.” The third was a scam that insisted I call an unknown and unlisted third party and pay $30 for a credit pull. The wait list I can appreciate; it’s a nice property with reasonable amenities. The other two are why I hate property managers.
So, I’ll put my name on the waitlist and cross my fingers while looking for other options. Kat’s willing to be flexible where she can. I know college is almost out so all those properties from graduating seniors should soon be available. The question is always how much damage must be repaired and how much greedy landlords will raise the rent.
Then, it rained. Oh, that was loads of fun. I took some pain meds and was in bed by 7:30.
Oh, and the bird flu is infecting beef cattle. You can hear the prices going up already. We don’t consume that much beef in the first place as we prefer ground turkey for most things. Still, there are times when a nice roast would be delicious. With prices where they are, you can be sure you’re not getting quality cuts when you go through your favorite drive-thru. The number of people dealing with hunger and malnutrition continues to grow.
Normally, we might look to the government to help shield us from market fluctuations like this. However, our current Congress is incapable of doing a damn thing. Several GOP congresspeople have said they’re not willing to take up any new bills until after the election, at which time we hope said people have been appropriately replaced. But in the meantime, people are starving, low-income homes that have relied on a government program for internet access are about to lose it, and some CEOs think salaried employees should work 12-hour days. Again, this is not a sustainable situation for anyone.
But hey, I’m looking forward to warmer temps today with no rain until tomorrow evening. I have a pork roast thawing in the fridge that will taste good with some mashed potatoes. Maybe we’ll get to sit outside with the dogs a bit. They always like that.
Feel free to join us.
Don’t try telling me you don’t have any “outside the norm” sexual fantasies. I’ve seen what you write on Facebook (you don’t dare share pictures) and I’ve seen what you post on Instagram and SnapChat. [Better start sweeping that shit off TikTok now.] Curiosity is part of our nature. We always wonder, “What if…” A fairly large percentage of Americans indulge, and for many, that’s the best-kept secret they’ll ever have. Suppose you knew what I know… (cough, cough). Sex is something that longs to indulge our wild side.
Google Trends recently surveyed 2,000 people across the country, covering every state, asking them what their primary fetish is. I’ll be honest, 2,000 people per state would still be too low a number for me to consider the results accurate. We also have to consider that of the people who indulge in fetishes, most have more than one, and choosing one as primary over others can be difficult. So, take these results with only a couple of grains of thought. I’ll be honest I saw a lot more rubber play in Georgia than I have in Indiana, but things change with the times and I don’t get out much anymore. 😪
Take a look at the infographic and, if you’re brave, tell me what you think!
We have attempted to contact the top 20 property managers in Indianapolis. Most were successful in that we were able to send some type of message, either through email or a form on their page. One had been severely hacked. One was completely out of business. Two had no online contact method, which seems inconceivable. Of the 16 who remain, we received instant replies from two. However, one of them was way off base, sending us their ebook about real estate investing.
Between you and me, I’m not expecting much. These guys are looking to make as much as they can off their commissions. They are effectively slave labor for their employers, only rewarded when they make a sale. Therefore, they are incentivized to leave alone small deals like mine and go after significantly larger accounts.
Let’s face it: the entire housing market is fucked up and off-kilter. Pricing hasn’t made sense for years, but its current level is unsustainable. Unfortunately, I can’t wait.
Does anyone have a garage I can borrow?
Yesterday was perfect weather to get out and do something fun. So, what did we do? We mowed. I started about 9:30 and took care of the grass outside the fence. The kids “took over” for a while, and then four hours later I finished up. Four hours. Have you seen our lawn? It’s not that large. Sigh.
We would have done better going to a park, but that whole transportation thing…
My goal today is to be a pain in the ass of every property manager in town until I find a place that provides what little I need at a price I can afford. Yeah, I know, I’ll be asleep again by 10. But one at least needs a goal, right?
I mowed yesterday. I’m thinking now that was a stupid idea.
About this morning’s picture: Leohna was just over a year old, if I remember correctly. We were at a park and took a bunch of pictures of her playing on the swings and stuff, but it was this picture that stole my heart. While I was talking with her parents, Leohna started going through my camera bag. The face she made when she found the tea lights was just too adorable. I had a chance to reconnect with her mom last week. This baby girl is now taller than her mom and helping care for her three younger siblings. The time just passes too quickly.
Here we are at the end of April. That means the noise from our friends “next door” will start getting loud again. The RV lot on Georgetown is completely full and has been for a week. This year may actually be interesting. Penske‘s been in hot water with IRL recently as have a couple of 500 winners over how some new rules are translated. IRL‘s shot themselves in the foot before. Maybe they just like hobbling. At least IndyCar is banning political messaging from the cars. Both RFK, Jr. and the indicted one had made sponsorship requests. IndyCar said, “Nope.”
Stop and think about it: IndyCar is full of international drivers. Brazilian drivers have won the race how many times? To have cars sponsored by idiots who are on the wrong side of immigration issues would be a conflict of interest. And then, there’s always the chance of counter-messaging if the sponsored car were to crash and burn. Don’t worry, I’m sure there’ll be plenty of flags among the nutjobs out in the North 40. There always are.
So many silly thoughts running through my head this morning. Who knows what the day may yield?
I forgot these were there, and there are still more, but 22 is enough for one post.
The phone just dinged with an interesting alert: I used my phone one hour and one minute less this week than the week before. That seems odd since I had to use it quite a bit during Thursday’s adventures. But then, outside of Thursday, there hasn’t been much going on except watching wildflowers and clover growing in the yard. The news is frustratingly redundant: war, protests, courtroom tactics, political crimes. After you’ve read it the first time, you don’t need to go back, do you?
I also think I need to share less about how I’m feeling. The things I say can too easily be used against me. And based on the site’s stats, people are much more interested in the pictures, anyway. So, I’ll just be quiet about things that only matter to me.
The latest update to AI on Photoshop screwed up. Everything added via an AI prompt is blown out, often to the point of being unrecoverable. The results have been nowhere near as colorful and interesting. Finer details such as drop shadows from added elements are missing completely. There are other options, but they take a lot more time.
Warmer weather means more time outside with the dogs. I think we spent close to three hours outside yesterday. They had fun barking at everything that moved. I’m damn sure going to miss them when I leave.
That’s assuming I can find a place at all. I’ve been nothing but frustrated. Social Security isn’t enough to cover rent, bills, or food. I’m increasingly getting the feeling that the universe wants me to disappear simply.
Here’s a picture of clover before we mow this morning.
The cats are fussing with each other and keeping Kat from sleeping. This isn’t going to be a good day. I forgot to turn off my alarm, so the dogs demanded to go out the instant it went off. This isn’t going to be a good day. Rain went through early this morning, just enough to make me miserable. This isn’t going to be a good day. However, the twins are over here being cute and Tipper has already popped into the room to say hi. Maybe I’ll make pancakes.
The bright point of yesterday was G going on a “field trip” to Purdue. I put “field trip” in quotations because, yeah, that’s how his school had to classify the trip in order to use school transportation. But let’s be honest, this was a recruiting trip, no two ways about it. They visited the dorms. They ate in the cafeteria (which thrilled G). They visited the School of Business (I’m a little surprised it wasn’t engineering). He gained some new perspectives and has a lot of ideas. I kinda wish I could have gone with them, but this was a trip he needed to make independent of parental influence.
Other than that, we spent a lot of time in bed yesterday and are likely to do the same today. The pain reaches up into my cerebral cortex and is probably at least partially responsible for the low level of patience I’m feeling with things I cannot control. Not that I would change my opinion, mind you. I still support the pro-Palestinian protests because we have to find a two-state solution and without the protests, Israel will steamroll over millions of innocent people. Earlier this morning a report came from Rafa that an infant girl had died from the extreme heat. These protests aren’t antisemitic, but a demand for a humanitarian solution. Israel would like to wipe out the Palestinians completely. We can’t let that happen any more than we would tolerate the opposite.
I’m also more than a little pissed that the Republican National Committee is tying up courts in all fifty states (yes, Ms. Trump, there are only 50, not 80 as you claimed earlier this week). The RNC’s main goal here is to keep as many people from voting as possible. Let me make this clear: REPUBLICANS DO NOT WANT YOU TO VOTE. They know they can’t win a legitimate election. Their claims are baseless and void of evidence, but they will put every election into question. This is not democracy and they need to be punished severely for attempting to overthrow the government in this way.
Anger and pain are not a good mix. One fuels the other and I can’t be sure my reasoning is accurate.
No progress was made in finding a new place to live. So help me, property managers are the bain of my existence at the moment. They’re misusing technology in an attempt to avoid direct contact. Why the fuck do you need to know the name of my cats? Maybe I want to rename them Homer and Aristotle. How would that make any difference as to how they’ll behave in an apartment? Talk to me directly and I’ll tell you what I need. Don’t send me another fucking form to fill out.
Maybe I’ll re-process some more pictures of pretty people. Get used to that as it’s all I have left now.
Morning Update: 05/12/24
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
Mothers everywhere are being justly celebrated today as their children attempt to behave and not fuss and argue with each other for just one day, damnit. I understand people still get dressed up and go to church with Mom and then they all go out to lunch, which means someone’s kid and someone’s mom has to work because restaurants are in all-hands-on-deck mode for the day. The affected moms smile and say something like, “Oh, we’ll celebrate later.”
Somewhere along the line, someone will ask that we please be considerate of those who’ve lost children, or who were unable to have children. The day may be a test of resolve for those who have specifically chosen not to have children. No one wants to be left out of a party. Some will say they’re happy being dog moms or cat moms. I have a feeling some of those are lying.
We deliberately ignore those who are bad moms; the ones who are selfish, leave their kids to fend for themselves, don’t seem bothered by placing them in direct danger, the ones who leave drugs and paraphernalia lying around, whose babies desperately need diaper changes, and are living in squalor. We also ignore those kids and look down at them demeaningly as we declare that they’ll probably never be worth anything. We’re fine with letting child protective services step in, bounce children from foster home to foster home, and then wondering why the poor kids had trouble surviving as adults.
Neither do we seem to mind bombing moms and their children if they live somewhere we’ve never been and have a belief system we don’t understand. How ironic it is that we go to church with our moms while preventing others from doing the same with theirs. Apparently, we’re cool with letting some moms cry as their homes and villages are bombed out and their children lost in the carnage.
Americans, specifically, are also increasingly fine with their moms having to go back to work for peasant wages because we’ve built an economy where they can’t even pay rent with what they get from social security. We think it’s just fine that we can’t have lunch with Mom today because she’s having to work in the deli at the grocery store for minimum wage. She’s struggling, but we’re okay with that as long as the stock market is doing well. Never mind that 93% of our moms have no investment in the markets at all and that corporations’ continual drive for increased profit keeps them from being able to afford even a meager life.
We’re also far too accepting of the fact that our moms don’t come close to making as much as their male counterparts, especially if your mom is a person of color. There will be some who declare, “But look how much things have improved,” but they’ll also ignore how much distance remains to be covered. Too many still believe the nonsense that moms belong at home, taking care of the kids, keeping the house clean, and catering to daddy, who is off drinking with the boys and having an affair with a young waitress.
We also police what moms wear, denying them their personality and sexuality. We get so upset if they dress too much like their teenage daughters. We get upset if they dress too comfortably. We get upset if their dresses are too sheer. We get more upset if our 21-year-old sons find them attractive. We don’t know how to handle it if someone’s mom is out chasing the pleasures she missed when she was 20-something and home changing diapers.
We have these unreasonable expectations that Mom should be fine with “whatever.” We spend thousands of dollars to make sure that we see all the concerts, take all the trips, and indulge all our own fantasies. All Mom gets is a card and a candle. Never mind that she’s not left her home overnight in years, that none of her dreams have been fulfilled, that her shoes have holes in them, that she’s still wearing the same clothes as when you graduated from high school fifteen years ago. Mom doesn’t mind just getting by.
Some people have two moms and other people have an extra dad in place of a mom, but we’re not supposed to talk about either situation because our religious upbringing has decided that those situations are wrong.
Neither Mother’s Day nor Father’s Day is ever going to live up to the social expectation. The ideal only exists for something around 20% of the population. Parent/child relationships are fraught with difficulties and challenges because of mistakes made by both, mistakes that are sometimes deliberate. There are plenty of children who will tell their mom, “Happy Mother’s Day” only to be dismissed and ignored. There are plenty of moms who will hear nothing at all from the children they raised.
A lot of moms will shed tears today, but not all will be tears of joy. There are too many moms hurting, too many lonely moms, and too many moms who can’t bear to acknowledge the day. So if your mom is still alive, maybe you at least acknowledge that she brought you into the world, and you survived.
There’s enough hurt in the world. You have no business adding to it.
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