#IShouldNotBeAllowed to restore paintings when I’m drunk —Charley Kaye (@charley_ck14)

Emery should not be allowed to make a snack of his mommy’s nose

There are a lot of interesting topics that get attention on social media. Most of them are pure nonsense; we leave them alone and roll our eyes when they show up in our feeds. There are details of one’s life that the rest of us really do not find interesting. #IShouldNotBeAllowed is an exception, however, because not only can I personally think of several things that I should never be allowed to do, I can also think of similar lists for every member of my family and several friends.

We all have those moments when we know damn good and well that we ought not to do something, but we go right ahead and do it anyway. Think of those times when you’ve gone just one drink past your limit, and then another, and another, and …. Or think of that time you thought drunk texting that person you just met would be really cute, and it wasn’t. I’m sure you could add to the list. I know I can, and am going to do so at the end of this paragraph. Before I do, though, be aware that if you want to join in the fun just navigate your way to https://twitter.com/hashtag/IShouldNotBeAllowed and enjoy. Now, here’s my list:

#IShouldNotBeAllowed

• to drink more than five cups of coffee within a two-hour period of time; the world isn’t ready for me to be that hyper.
• to edit when I’m angry; those pictures just never turn out quite right.
• to play with small children when their parents aren’t looking; I will give them Oreo® Doublestuffs™ and then take pictures.
• to “sample” the wine while cooking; dinner will be burned and there won’t be any wine left.
• to “make myself at home” when there’s clearly no place to set 23 half-empty coffee cups.
• to assist with any home repair involving electricity; there are some things homeowners insurance doesn’t cover.
• to sleep in an upright position with my head back; no, that wasn’t an earthquake, it was me snoring.
• to go out drinking with people half my age; the poor children can’t keep up without puking.
• to light my pipe when I’m half asleep; there’s no repairing the burn holes in my pants—or your pants if you’re sitting too close.
• to fly across the country within 46 hours of having eaten at Taco Bell®; flight attendants aren’t paid enough to deal with that.

I should take a break here and mention that not everything following the #IShouldNotBeAllowed hashtag needs to be serious. After all, there genuinely are things no one should be allowed to do. Ever. Let me just throw out a few things that come to mind that I shouldn’t do, and neither should you.

#IShouldNotBeAllowed

• to believe everything I read on the Internet; we both know damn good and well most of it isn’t true.
• to vote for someone who already has more money in the bank than the yearly budget of my home town; the rich only look out for the rich.
• to brandish a weapon when there is no immediate threat nor cause; intimidation of any kind is being a bully and that’s not acceptable behavior.
• to interfere with the personal rights of others even if I disagree with how they exercise those rights; everyone has a right to live as they see fit.
• to let a belief system trump scientific concensus; believing an airplane can’t fly won’t keep a well-engineered craft on the ground.
• to ignore or disregard expert opinion just because I disagree with it; ignorance doesn’t fit anyone well.
• to disparage any person because of their race or national origin; there is no race, we are all the same species: human. We are one family.
• to steal from the poor and the ignorant in the name of religion; the demons you fear are of your own making.
• to demand my fair share when those around me have no share at all; greed is an ugly color and will be our downfall.
• to let my fears determine how I respond to another person; I probably look just as scary and threatening to them.

We could probably go on all day with this sort of thing, but I’m fairly sure at least one of us has some actual work to get done. If you think of more, just hop on Twitter and add them. I’ll be watching for a while and can’t wait to see what you post. Be sure to tag me: @charlesletbette so I’ll see what you shouldn’t be allowed to do!