I’ve never met a funny person who wasn’t smart. I’ve met a lot of dramatic people who were stupid. But I’ve never met a funny person who wasn’t smart. —Rob Lowe

Is it possible that one of the prerequisites for being smart is to be a bit anti-social?

Being smart, being that person in the room who can disassemble populist theories, or explain the trivialities of menu ingredients, or make jokes based on the periodic table of elements, does not always endear one to everyone else. What we claim to be a “war on intelligence” is actually an eons-old response that goes back at least as far as the ancient Greeks. Being the smart person in the room has a way of making everyone else in the room uncomfortable.

Actually, those with above-average intelligence are not  especially comfortable with the room, either. We all had a good laugh when an article relating foul language with intelligence hit the Internet. The article has been shared thousands of times and has over a million views. Everyone for whom the word “fuck” is a standard part of their vocabulary pointed to the article as evidence that they might be smarter than they typically appear.

Closer inspection, however, which is the first response of those who really are intelligent, reveals that vocabulary is just one of multiple anti-social characteristics that are common among those who are smarter than the average bipedal beast. There are reasons that what might be considered normal society tries to keep its distance, both literally and metaphorically, from smart people.

Freaks By Any Other Name

Additional research has been published recently to show that those who are more academic and scholarly in both occupation and lifestyle hold different perspectives from the rest of society. They don’t see themselves with any nationalistic connection, but citizens of the world. The smartest among us exist on the fringes if not completely external to society. Misunderstandings flowing in both directions is inevitable.

One example of such misunderstanding is a pseudo-intellectual article by Michael Lind that refers to intellectuals as freaks. Lind blasts the “ivory tower” concept of professional thinkers and university academics as being totally out of touch with mainstream society. He decries, without actual supporting evidence, those superficial elements such as being both single and childless, living in a metropolitan area (because that’s where universities are found), having a world view rather than being nationalistic, and social isolation as “particularly stupid and lazy.” He even goes on to say:

Successful intellectuals get where they are by being good at taking tests and by going to good schools. It is only natural for them to generalize from their own highly atypical life experiences and propose that society would be better off if everyone went to college….

Again, Lind makes these accusations based solely on observational anecdotes rather than any genuine research, so one cannot attribute any validity to the statements. However, that his views are reflective of a larger part of society is, and should be, disturbing.

Don’t Get Around Much Any More

Another recent headline screamed, “Research suggests being lazy is a sign of high intelligence.” Slackers the world over are now sharing this article, which they’ve not read, in an effort to support their sedentary lifestyle. “Look Ma! I is smart!” seems to be the general response. At least this article comes equipped with something resembling research. The headline is horribly misleading, though.

What the study, published in the Journal of Health Psychology, actually shows is that “thinkers” are more sedentary than “non-thinkers.” Personally, I was rather offended that the article would equate one whose work does not require a lot of physical movement with being lazy. I think I work damn hard most days, but most of that effort comes with my butt firmly implanted in this office chair. The lack of movement is not lazy as much as it is practical.

Other flaws in the study include the rather unscientific way in which participants were separated between “thinkers” and “non-thinkers” and the inability to explain how activity levels between the two groups were identical on the weekends. Based on this study,  the headline could have just as easily read, “Dumb people are easily bored.” Anyone who looks at this research as anything approaching conclusive is off their fucking rocker.

About That Cursing Problem

I can still hear my late mother admonishing me after I had dared to use the word “dang” in her presence. “Smart people don’t have to curse,” she said, “because they are intelligent enough to use more appropriate words.” In fact, I’m rather sure Mother would have argued with that article everyone has been sharing. Polite society doesn’t like language that is aggressive and sharp and potentially offensive. Cursing isn’t civil.

Of all the garbage running around, though, the research around the use of “taboo” words is rather solid. Here’s what they found:

[Multiple testing] formats produced positive correlations between COWAT fluency, animal fluency, and taboo word fluency, supporting the fluency-is-fluency hypothesis. In each study, a set of 10 taboo words accounted for 55–60% of all taboo word data. Expressives were generated at higher rates than slurs. There was little sex-related variability in taboo word generation, and, consistent with findings that do not show a sex difference in taboo lexicon size, no overall sex difference in taboo word generation was obtained. Taboo fluency was positively correlated with the Big Five personality traits neuroticism and openness and negatively correlated with agreeableness and conscientiousness.

 The actual study is a pretty heavy read but what it shows is that both men and women curse equally and that, in addition to scoring higher in IQ tests, those with expressive vocabularies also tend to be neurotic as hell, argumentative (because they know this shit and you’re fucking wrong you fucking moron), and lacking in areas of social sensitivity. Sound like anyone you know?

For Extra Credit: You’re Messy and Don’t Sleep

While everyone focuses on the cursing aspect of the Business Insider article, there’s also reasonable mention of additional studies that show smart people have messy desks and fucked up sleeping patterns. I’m sure the researchers would want me to point out that there are  positive benefits to having a clean desk as well, though, personally, I have absolutely no experience with that particular phenomenon. I swear my desk clutters itself in my sleep.

Here’s the thing: neither cursing nor desk conditions nor amount of physical movement actually makes a person smart. Some people are able to obtain and retain large amounts of information and make right-brained connections within those information groups that others are not capable of doing. The determining factor in whether one has that capability is biological. While studies may draw correlations between certain habits and activities among a percentage within a select study group, none of them prove that to be smart one has to curse or be sedate or sleep at odd times.

There are no shortcuts to being smart. One has to study. One’s left brain has to take in copious amounts of information so that one’s right brain can use that information to make connections that result in invention and problem solving and creativity. Without all the hard work and study, one is just as stupid as any other presidential candidate. There’s no substitute.

Now, get busy and do something with your day.