What may seem unconventional can be the boost a relationship needs
Rough sex. Have you tried it? If you haven’t, you may be in the minority, especially if you’re in the 18-45 age group. Even before the book Fifty Shades of Grey first excited passions in 2011 (yes, it’s really been ten years), an increasing number of young adults, and especially a surprising number of women, were drawn to a rougher, more aggressive form of sex. The trend only continues to grow and with it a wider variety of options than your parents ever considered.
First, let’s be clear about one thing: the term “rough sex” does not imply a lack of mutual consent. Both sides must agree to the activity and what it involves or else it is still sexual assault. Every time.
Rough sex can be anything from role-play to forceful kissing to BDSM and bondage. And while there is often an element of pain that many people find exciting, pain isn’t a necessary element. Dirty talk, aggressive sexting, demanding tones can be just as much a turn-on as more physical elements.
A paper in Evolutionary Psychological Science looked at the topic of understanding aggressive consensual sex and found that “Men and women alike reported that it tended to be more arousing and that their orgasms were more intense. Women reported reaching orgasm faster… faster orgasms might be part of the appeal of this activity to women.”
That last bit is important. For millennia, women have had to put up with men finishing first and leaving them unsatisfied because, as a gender, men are pigs. If the hard thrusting action of rough sex bridges that pleasure gap then why wouldn’t women enjoy it?
There’s also the fact that pain and pleasure stimulate the same part of the brain. Nope, not kidding. There’s a paper on that as well. When pleasure and pain are combined in the same activity, assuming that activity does not involve a fear element, the level of physical and emotional excitement more than doubles, causing us to what to repeat that activity more regularly.
There has been a surprising amount of clinical and scientific study on the whole pleasure/pain connection, a lot of it done here in Indiana, and all find that there are positive outcomes to enjoy. The caveats are that intentions must be clearly communicated beforehand, that either party is able to stop the activity at any time without repercussion, and that attention is paid afterward to things like cuddling and softer, tender words and touches.
But you didn’t come here for the sex lesson, did you? You came for pictures. One perspective is shown in the video at the top of the page. Below are the individual stills. Click on any thumbnail to view the images full-screen on your device.