Moms are human, too
Moms are great. Moms are a fountain of knowledge. We get a lot of our basic information about life and the world around us from our parents. We trust what they say and are woefully disappointed on the rare occasion they happened to be wrong.
Our parents do their best to equip us with everything we need to be responsible and functional adults. However, they know so much about life that they sometimes forget to fill us in some of the finer points. Sure, they make sure we understand the big stuff, but the itty bitty details sometimes are lost. Don’t blame them, it’s not their fault. There’s a lot to know and its not like anyone gives them a checklist.
So, in the interest of helping out everyone’s parents just a little bit, here are a few things that might have escaped their attention before you went out on your own.
That isn’t chicken in that nugget
Desperate parents do desperate things and sooner or later we’re all desperate parents. So, don’t judge that frazzled looking mom sitting in the drive-thru or picking up that blue box that claims to have cheese in with the tiny little macaroni pieces. Processed food exists for one reason only: to make the lives of parents easier. So no, there is no real chicken in the nuggets or cheese in the mac and that’s not really anything resembling meat on that frozen pizza. That’s okay, though. You survived. Your kids will survive, too. Just try to give them a home cooked meal every once in a while.
No one notices your underwear when you’re in an accident
It’s a necessary lie parents tell us when we’re little to make sure we’re actually wearing clean underwear. If you’ve had children, you understand the problem and have probably repeated the lie. The fact is, however, if you’re in an accident that is serious enough for someone to see your underpants, then underpants are the last thing anyone is worried about. I mean, you’ve lost your pants for any number of horrible reasons, you’re probably bleeding profusely, and you could possibly die. No one cares about your damn underwear. If you’re just going to the doctor for a checkup, though, then yeah, by all means, wear something clean or buy something new.
You don’t have to be nice to everyone
Parents do their best to raise friendly, well-adjusted people. Despite their best efforts, though, not everyone in the world is nice. When we encounter people who are not nice, we are not obligated to be nice back. Sure, we want to try a few times, give them the benefit of the doubt. But when someone is consistently an asshole you do not have to be nice. In fact, it is probably better for everyone if you are not nice. One of the primary reasons assholes continue being assholes is because people keep trying to be nice and they take advantage of that. You don’t have to put up with bullshit.
Beware of friends who never read
A little bit of fine tuning: there’s a difference between people who can’t read and people who don’t read. If you have a friend you can’t read, then they need help with that issue more than anything. If you have a friend who is perfectly capable of reading, though, and they don’t, then you have a problem. People who don’t read are ignorant. Their reasoning skills are underdeveloped and their logic is flawed. Even reading fiction improves one’s mental abilities and acumen. Reading not only broadens our mind, but it spurs our imagination so that we are able to expand beyond what is our direct realm of experience. You don’t need friends who are ignorant. They are dangerous. Be careful.
If it costs more than you make in a week, buy the extended warranty
It’s always that question lingering in the back of your mind anytime you’re making a major purchase: do you buy the extended warranty? The old saw is that if you buy the extended warranty you’ll never need it, but if you don’t buy it you’ll wish you had. So, what do you do? The solution is a matter of finances because the ultimate question is whether you can afford to easily replace whatever it is you’re buying. If you’re making a purchase for which you had to save and save, then by all means, buy the damn warranty. If something happens, you’re screwed. You can’t afford to get it fixed or buy a new one. If you’re making a purchase that represents pocket change, however, then maybe it’s not so important. The general rule is that if it costs more than you make it a week, buy the extended warranty. Better safe than sorry.
A good pet is worth the trouble
Some people grow up with pets and learn the responsibility of caring for one. Some don’t. Some go their lives without pets. Some have pets thrust upon thanks to a spouse or lover. Pets can be a lot of work and some of them can be an incredible amount of trouble. They poop where you don’t want them to poop. They eat things you don’t want them to eat. They knock things off tables and shelves and annoy the hell out of guests, especially if one of those guests starts nuzzling up close. Guess what: they’re worth every second of trouble they cause. Sometimes, all we remember are the number of times a parent cursed at or about an animal. What we don’t see are the moments when a pet was curled up in that same parent’s lap. They give soooo much love in little ways that, as children, we never see. Take a chance and feel the love.
It’s okay to be happy when mean people die
Our parents tell us to respect the dead, that people dying is not a good thing. We’re generally taught that we should not rejoice over the death of people we don’t like. Bullshit. As I’m writing this, officials in California are pretty much waiting for convicted murderer Charles Manson to die. When he does, there will be a lot of people who are happy. Not only are nine people dead because of Manson and his “family,” he left behind a wave of influence that was violent and frightening. Him being dead is a good thing that, quite honestly, should have happened a long time ago. Mean people such as Charles Manson don’t deserve our respect. He’s not dead yet, but when he goes feel free to throw a party.
It’s okay to pee in the shower
I know, I know, that flies in the face of everything your mom told you when you were growing up. You know why she told you that? Because it took for freakin’ ever to get you to go in the toilet in the first place. She’s damn sure not going to risk ruining that habit by telling you it’s okay to pee in the shower. Now that you’re an adult, though, you should know that not only is it okay, some people claim it’s actually healthier than peeing in the toilet. It’s cleaner, it’s more hygienic, and it even saves water to boot. There is a limit, though. Only do this when you’re showering alone. Not everyone thinks peeing in the shower is cool and if you’re in there with someone you like a lot you are probably putting that relationship in danger if you pee in front of them. When you’re alone, though, by all means, go for it.
Sex sometimes hurts
Granted, if your parents were anything like mine, sex wasn’t a topic that came up very often. They got through the birds and the bees thing with a certain amount of anxiety. The last thing most of our parents wanted to do, though, was provide any details about sex. They tell you it feels go and can be a lot of fun, but that’s about as detailed as they want to get. The problem is that sex doesn’t always feel good and it isn’t always fun. There are dozens of reasons why sex can hurt, most of which are not life-threatening or even controllable. Not every body provides enough natural lubrication. Stress can cause normal sexual activity to feel painful. It’s not your fault and most the time there are things you can do to change the situation. It happens, though, so be ready for it. Don’t run screaming to the Dr. just because you got into a tight (literally) situation you weren’t expecting.
Cursing is sometimes a very effective form of communication
“That’s an adult word. Don’t say it.” Did your parents ever tell you that? Did your mom ever wash out your mouth with soap? Most parents are very concerned with the language we use growing up. They want us to be respectable adults, not someone people shy away from because they can’t complete a sentence without an expletive or four. For the most part, your parents are right: don’t say those words. They’re rude and often demonstrate a lack of civility and reasoning. However, there are times when cursing is totally acceptable. If you smash a digit with a hammer or in a car door, for example, know one is going to fault you for letting a few fucks fly out of your mouth. If you need to dramatically emphasize to someone just how fucking serious or angry you are, an expletive here and there helps make your point. Most the time, yes, you want to be polite and use words that are not offensive. But every once in a while … go for it.
That’s our short list. We actually have several more things like this in my book, Now That You’re 18 … which you can buy by clicking on that link. If you live close, I’ll even autograph it for you. There are a lot of things parents either don’t have time or don’t think of telling us. It’s okay. We’ll make the same mistakes and probably add to the list. We’re human. Go with it.
5 Things You Should Know: 01.04.2017
04:49:17 01/04/2017
A lot of noise but little substance
Hey there, welcome to Wednesday, January 4. Winter seems to have returned to those parts of the US that enjoyed a few warmer days. If you’re in central Indiana this morning, wind chills are down near zero. What you should know, however, is that while today is cold and sunny, there’s a decent chance of snow moving in tomorrow with a couple of inches accumulation. And, wouldn’t you know it, the timing on that is probably going to hit both morning and evening rush hours. You’ll want to plan accordingly.
What we’re watching around the world is a crumbling of Syrian peace talks, an unexpected bump in the road for the UK’s Brexit plans, and a murderer who may finally be about to die. Some are referring to the incoming presidential administration as the “Twitter presidency,” and a bit of bullying keeps car manufacturing domestic for now. All that and we’ve not even started in on our 5 Things You Should Know. There’s a lot of noise, so let’s get to it.
One step forward, two steps …
We’re just going to assume that by now you are aware of the fact that Congress did a backstep yesterday and dropped the planned gutting of the ethics commission. As we stated yesterday, even Republican leaders didn’t like the move and between a tremendous outcry from the public and opposition from the president-elect, lawmakers somehow found the good sense to drop the measure, at least for now. However, don’t go letting those varmints off the hook just yet. Congress approved the rules for the upcoming session with a vote predictably along party lines yesterday1. These are the rules members have to abide by and some of them carry an odor.
Take, for instance, a new rule that calling for members of Congress to be fined if they take pictures or video from the House floor. This measure was included specifically in an attempt to prevent the type of sit-in that occurred in the last session in protest of the body’s refusal to consider gun control legislation. The live-streaming that took place during that event was instrumental in creating a tremendous amount of public support for the effort, much to the chagrin of Speaker Paul Ryan. Republicans don’t want it happening again.
The American Medical Association also formally presented a letter to Congress demanding that they show “in reasonable detail what will replace current policies” before attempting to dismantle the Affordable Care Act. While undoing the multifaceted legislation known as Obamacare was a key platform for Republicans in the last election, no viable alternative has been presented, which would not only affect the 20 million Americans currently covered by the act, but would also affect payments to doctors and other health care providers. The takeaway here is that this Congress is being watched carefully from all sides. They’re not likely to make a move without a lot of people noticing.
A matter of justice
Six members of the NAACP were arrested yesterday afternoon for conducting a sit-in at the Mobile, Alabama office of Senator Jeff Sessions, the incoming administration’s pick for Attorney General2. Cornell Brooks, president and CEO of the NAACP, and Stephen Green, national director of the youth division of the NAACP were among those arrested and charged with misdemeanor criminal trespass. The group had occupied the office early Tuesday afternoon demanding that Sen. Sessions step away from the nomination on concerns about his record regarding voter suppression and what is generally seen as the unjust prosecution of civil rights leaders in Alabama.
Now, on one hand, this might seem like a minor protest that can easily be ignored. Don’t be stupid. While there may have only been six people in the Mobile office yesterday, opposition to Session’s appointment as Attorney General is much broader than that. The Washington Post reported yesterday that more than 1,100 law professors have signed a letter encouraging the Senate to reject Session’s nomination3. The letter states, “We are convinced that Jeff Sessions will not fairly enforce our nation’s laws and promote justice and equality in the United States.”
This opposition, which comes from every state except North Dakota and Alaska, which don’t have law schools, is still just part of the mounting objections. Sen. Session’s record against civil rights is extremely well known. He’s been rejected by the Senate for this same reason before and pressure is mounting to reject him again. The Attorney General of the United States is not just responsible for enforcing federal law, but also directs the actions of the US Marshalls and the FBI. The last thing we need in that position is a racist bigot such as Jeff Sessions.
A visible opposition
Another protest is shaping up that could be even larger, this time around the very inauguration itself. What started as a very small statement of disgust by a retired woman in Hawaii has grown into a full-scale march on Washington, D.C. to express opposition to the new president. Teresa Shook started the Women’s March on Washington thinking it would be just her and a few friends. Protests like that are common with the inauguration of every new president. However, the concept of such a march went viral and there are currently more than 100,000 women who have voiced their intent to participate.
Such a large march is unprecedented. D.C police have issued a permit to march on January 21, not the 20th, citing the size of the march and the security challenges it would create. The day’s adjustment has not made any difference in the size of the march, however, and numbers could easily be as high as 200,000 by the time the event actually occurs. Both Gloria Steinham and Planned Parenthood CEO Cecil Richards have announced their intent to participate, which is attracting other highly visible activists to the cause including Amy Schumer, Samantha Bee and Jessica Chastain.
The biggest challenge for this march as it grows is the cost of security. D.C. law requires that such large events pay for the additional security required to keep everyone safe. As the numbers for the Women’s March grows toward the 200,000 mark, planners need to raise something in the neighborhood of $2 million to cover the security and other event costs. With the march attracting women from across a number of causes, though, I have little doubt the money will be raised and the impact on Washington will be significant.
Educating the masses
The incredible cost of higher education was a huge issue in the past election, but there weren’t too many politicians who dared to latch on to Senator Bernie Sanders concept of cost-free or low-cost education for everyone. The general assumption was that the federal government couldn’t afford to pay for college any more than students can. However, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo is testing a plan that would cover college tuition for students in that state whose families earn less than $125,0005.
Under the plan the governor announced yesterday, any New Yorker who is accepted to a state community college or university is potentially eligible. The program is set to be phased in with those making less than $100,000 eligible for funding in the fall of this year. The amount would increase incrementally over the two subsequent years. Cuomo’s program is a last-dollar initiative, which means that all other grants and scholarships would be applied first with the state making up the difference.
The cost of college education is a major issue across the country with 85 different proposals facing state legislators this year. However, New York’s program would be the largest and could become a model for any attempt at federalizing a funding program. What you should know, however, is that the program only covers tuition. Books, housing, and food are not covered and are still significant costs for most students. This is a good start, but we’ve a long way to go before college is truly affordable.
And finally …
After an election cycle that put her in the spotlight and at odds with her employer, news anchor Megyn Kelly announced yesterday that she is leaving the Fox Network and taking up residence over at NBC where she’ll have two shows on the schedule. A daily talk show and a weekend news magazine will be added to the NBC lineup with Kelly at the helm of both. While no start date has been given for either program, Andrew Lack, chairman of the NBC Universal News Group, praised Kelly as, “an exceptional journalist and news anchor, who has had an extraordinary career. She’s demonstrated tremendous skill and poise, and we’re lucky to have her6.”
Megyn Kelly has long been considered the dominant news anchor at the Fox network, but found herself challenged in the past year by both direct confrontations with Donald Trump and allegations surrounding former Fox chairman Roger Ailes regarding his sexually suggestive comments. That uncomfortable environment along with a desire to spend more time with her three children gave Kelly more than sufficient reason to make the jump.
There is plenty of speculation as to who might take Kelly’s enviable 9:00 PM timeslot, though Fox has yet to infer that it is even looking for a new anchor. There is also some question as to whether Kelly might be groomed to eventually take over the Nightly News chair on NBC. What’s certain is that Megyn Kelly has turned a challenging situation into a positive career move not unlike that of Barbara Walters. We wish her well.
That’s all we have time for this morning. We’re keeping a close watch on a couple of developing stories and will be sure to cut through the clutter and be back with what really matters tomorrow. Here’s to a good day.
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