Any form of over-indulgence creates within the body warning signs of destruction. —Mother Angelica
Judging from the warning signs on headlines this morning we must be doing everything wrong.
Erg. Another Monday. Looking through social media this morning I can sense the fear and trepidation. Signs are everywhere. No one is looking forward to today. Some people could lose their jobs. Other people might lose more. While there’s no way to tell exactly what the day might hold, all the signs point toward this being a less than stellar day.
I like to think that what comes across my social media feeds is a pretty broad and reasonably accurate feeling for what is resonating across America. Obviously, I’m getting a lot of political material, but there are a lot of other things, from memes to articles to status updates, that give me a reasonable snapshot for the general mood of certain demographic sets. The signs this morning seem obvious: We’re doing everything wrong, or at least, we’re willing to believe we are.
Personally, I rather doubt that reality is quite as bleak as it is being presented. When shown a picture of a bright, sunshine-filled day, there are a lot of us that immediately start looking for what is in the shadows. We go looking for trouble even where there is none. We expect things to go poorly for us. In doing so, we miss the beauty of the whole picture.
However, we do have a tendency to really mess up a lot. Fortunately, a lot of people have written a lot of articles to help us correct our mistakes. Consider some of the gems I found this morning.
This Is How You Should Be Taking Care Of Your Lingerie
Spoiler alert: You’re washing your bras too damn often. The whole purpose of the article, published by Harpers Bazaar, Australe, is to convince their readers that they need to be a little more delicate with their delicates. Apparently, while women are really good about taking care of silk blouses and dresses, they don’t show the same concern for lingerie made from the same material. Instead, everything just gets dumped into the laundry, washed with harsh chemicals, and then one wonders why they wear out so frequently.
I really have to wonder about the whole bra washing thing, though. I’ve seen enough bras and caught hint of the fragrance that comes from them when one has been perspiring a bit. The smell is far from attractive. Sports bras, especially, which some people seem to think are fine to continue wearing after they’ve had their workout, have the ability to stink just as much as men’s athletic gear. Do you really want to let those things sit around a ripen before their washed?
I get it, the elastic materials do break down and wear out in the wash. However, doesn’t it totally defeat the purpose of looking nice if one doesn’t smell pleasant when someone gets close?
Women With Big Butts Are Smarter And Healthier
Wishful thinking. Check the source when you see articles like this. They tend to come from websites such as globetoday.com and terrificphotostoday.me. Notice that I’m not giving you links to either of those sites. Don’t go there. I know a lot of women would really like to believe that the mass of their buttocks has a correlation to the amount of brain power one has, but let’s get real: you know damn good and well that’s not true.
Don’t take my word for it, Snopes already disproved this one for you. Same goes for the one about drinking wine at night to lose weight. And the one about children inheriting their smarts from their mother. Sorry, it’s all just wishful thinking. We keep looking for shortcuts and they keep just not happening. One would think that by the time we reach adulthood, at least by the time we’re 30 or so, that we would have figured out that there is no easy way to lose weight or get smarter. Both require work. Yet, time after time we continue to fall for articles like this that offer some hope that maybe, just maybe, we can get away with our desire to emulate sloths.
If there’s one thing we learn from Monday after Monday it is the fact that we have to work for everything we get, and even when we work for it we don’t always get it. There are no shortcuts. Sorry.
Four Signs Your Relationship Is Headed To Its Doom
Because, yeah, that’s just the news you want first thing on a Monday morning. Are we really that desperate for bad news about our relationships or  are we just looking for ways to self-sabotage?  If you’re in a relationship and things seem to be going well, then why would you want to go looking for trouble? If your relationship is already not going well, do you really need more signs of the tragedy that awaits?
Articles like this exist for the sake of people who are fundamentally flawed and cannot accept the possibility that someone might actually care for them without having some ulterior motive. Â I’m not even sure that self-esteem counseling helps these people. They go through relationship after relationship, throwing away perfectly good people who would actually like to fall in love with them, but are jettisoned before they have the chance.
Here’s the real scoop:the number one sign that your relationship is headed to its doom is that you’re looking for signs your relationship is headed to its doom. Check your relationship paranoia and let someone love you.
10 Sex Positions That Will Get Her Off Every Time
I hate articles like this because they start from the premise that none of us really know what we’re doing in bed. Granted, every year yields a new crop of rookies and there are genuinely some people, specifically the most devout from any given sex-shaming religious group, who don’t have a fucking clue, literally. If the world really took relationships seriously, we’d be learning these things in school right about the time we’re losing our collective virginity. Heaven forbid we actually teach practical relationship skills anywhere, however. So, articles like this one continue to be popular.
Here’s the rub: everyone’s different. Want to know what will get your partner off every time? Talk to them. Find out what they like and what works for their body. You can’t trust what you read in an article because what feels great to one person might be downright painful for someone else. Blindly following the instructions of some how-to article you’ve read online can get you dumped out of bed before you even have time to unwrap that condom I’m sure you were planning on using.
Communication is a critical aspect of every relationship and the bedroom is no exception. Experimenting and trying different things is a lot of fun, but talk to your partner before actually attempting something new. The results will be better for both of you.
You Are Not As Helpless As You Think
The very reason all these articles and memes exist is because we doubt ourselves and our abilities. We don’t think we’re as smart as we are. We don’t think we’re as attractive as we are. What we read online and what we see in various media has us convinced that we are horribly flawed and need all the help we can possibly get. Look down your newsfeed this morning and one can easily come away with the impression that we’re all doing everything wrong.
Guess what: we’re not. Most of us are just fine, thank you very much. Those of us who do struggle are not nearly in as bad a shape as we tend to believe. So, stop doubting yourself. Think positive. Believe in what you can do.
And then duck because this is still Monday and the universe is out to get you.
Lose Weight, Have A Baby
Here is an interesting if not somewhat disturbing statistic: Among married women ages 15-49 years who haven’t had a baby before (live birth), roughly 1 in 5 are unable to conceive after a year of trying. While I’m tempted to ask who the fuck is marrying 15-year-olds and getting them pregnant, the greater issue is the rate of infertility. There are plenty of reasons why infertility rates are increasing, what’s interesting is the odd place from which some surprising relief is coming: Ozempic.
To be specific, it doesn’t necessarily need to be the brand-name drug. Any GLP-1 Agonists seems to do the trick, but Ozempic has the advantage of name recognition and is popular for another reason other than its popular intent: losing weight. GLP-1 Agonists were originally designed as anti-diabetic drugs specifically treating Type II diabetics. Even now, the clinical requirements for prescribing a GLP-1 Agonist start with diagnosed Type II diabetes. The idea is that GLP-1 Agonists are a backup medication when Metformin and other standard diabetes medications haven’t worked, leaving one with an A1c over 6.5. The list of GLP-1 Agonists includes:
A couple of years ago, however, it was noticed that the use of Ozempic and similar drugs resulted in significant weight loss in a number of patients. Who doesn’t like the idea of taking a shot to lose weight? It certainly beats the hell out of dieting and sweaty exercise. The FDA approved the use of the drug for weight loss in 2021 and the number of prescriptions has skyrocketed to over nine million, driving prices up.
Drug maker Novo Nordisk isn’t complaining.
Now, it seems a second off-brand benefit is coming to the forefront: pregnancy, even among women previously diagnosed with infertility. While studies of this effect are still too new to consider a universal response to the challenge of having babies, the research is promising.
The reason for this increase in unplanned pregnancies is that the medications slow down the process by which the stomach empties, changing how food and medications are absorbed. The result is that oral contraceptives are rendered practically useless. If you don’t want to get pregnant, you may need to talk to your doctor about non-oral options.
The effect on infertile women is still too recent to be certain but seems to be connected to weight loss. Even modest (less than 5%) weight loss can increase metabolic health, allowing conception to occur. Many patients with high BMI do not ovulate, some have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), and many just don’t ovulate regularly. With the drug-induced weight loss, regular menses and normal levels of fertility return.
While this is far from being a cure-all, this could be good news for women who have struggled to become pregnant.
Of course, the opposite is true for women who do not want to be pregnant.
Either way, if you are using Ozempic or any of the related drugs and become pregnant, you need to contact your doctor immediately. Your body is not playing a joke on you. There are serious risks to taking the drug while pregnant. Not nearly enough studies have been done to give doctors a solid plan of action for treating pregnancy under these conditions. This new phenomenon can dash hopes just as quickly as it raises them.
Still, if you’re taking Ozempic and think that you may be pregnant, don’t be surprised if you’re correct. Call your doctor. Now.
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