Moms are human, too
Moms are great. Moms are a fountain of knowledge. We get a lot of our basic information about life and the world around us from our parents. We trust what they say and are woefully disappointed on the rare occasion they happened to be wrong.
Our parents do their best to equip us with everything we need to be responsible and functional adults. However, they know so much about life that they sometimes forget to fill us in some of the finer points. Sure, they make sure we understand the big stuff, but the itty bitty details sometimes are lost. Don’t blame them, it’s not their fault. There’s a lot to know and its not like anyone gives them a checklist.
So, in the interest of helping out everyone’s parents just a little bit, here are a few things that might have escaped their attention before you went out on your own.
That isn’t chicken in that nugget
Desperate parents do desperate things and sooner or later we’re all desperate parents. So, don’t judge that frazzled looking mom sitting in the drive-thru or picking up that blue box that claims to have cheese in with the tiny little macaroni pieces. Processed food exists for one reason only: to make the lives of parents easier. So no, there is no real chicken in the nuggets or cheese in the mac and that’s not really anything resembling meat on that frozen pizza. That’s okay, though. You survived. Your kids will survive, too. Just try to give them a home cooked meal every once in a while.
No one notices your underwear when you’re in an accident
It’s a necessary lie parents tell us when we’re little to make sure we’re actually wearing clean underwear. If you’ve had children, you understand the problem and have probably repeated the lie. The fact is, however, if you’re in an accident that is serious enough for someone to see your underpants, then underpants are the last thing anyone is worried about. I mean, you’ve lost your pants for any number of horrible reasons, you’re probably bleeding profusely, and you could possibly die. No one cares about your damn underwear. If you’re just going to the doctor for a checkup, though, then yeah, by all means, wear something clean or buy something new.
You don’t have to be nice to everyone
Parents do their best to raise friendly, well-adjusted people. Despite their best efforts, though, not everyone in the world is nice. When we encounter people who are not nice, we are not obligated to be nice back. Sure, we want to try a few times, give them the benefit of the doubt. But when someone is consistently an asshole you do not have to be nice. In fact, it is probably better for everyone if you are not nice. One of the primary reasons assholes continue being assholes is because people keep trying to be nice and they take advantage of that. You don’t have to put up with bullshit.
Beware of friends who never read
A little bit of fine tuning: there’s a difference between people who can’t read and people who don’t read. If you have a friend you can’t read, then they need help with that issue more than anything. If you have a friend who is perfectly capable of reading, though, and they don’t, then you have a problem. People who don’t read are ignorant. Their reasoning skills are underdeveloped and their logic is flawed. Even reading fiction improves one’s mental abilities and acumen. Reading not only broadens our mind, but it spurs our imagination so that we are able to expand beyond what is our direct realm of experience. You don’t need friends who are ignorant. They are dangerous. Be careful.
If it costs more than you make in a week, buy the extended warranty
It’s always that question lingering in the back of your mind anytime you’re making a major purchase: do you buy the extended warranty? The old saw is that if you buy the extended warranty you’ll never need it, but if you don’t buy it you’ll wish you had. So, what do you do? The solution is a matter of finances because the ultimate question is whether you can afford to easily replace whatever it is you’re buying. If you’re making a purchase for which you had to save and save, then by all means, buy the damn warranty. If something happens, you’re screwed. You can’t afford to get it fixed or buy a new one. If you’re making a purchase that represents pocket change, however, then maybe it’s not so important. The general rule is that if it costs more than you make it a week, buy the extended warranty. Better safe than sorry.
A good pet is worth the trouble
Some people grow up with pets and learn the responsibility of caring for one. Some don’t. Some go their lives without pets. Some have pets thrust upon thanks to a spouse or lover. Pets can be a lot of work and some of them can be an incredible amount of trouble. They poop where you don’t want them to poop. They eat things you don’t want them to eat. They knock things off tables and shelves and annoy the hell out of guests, especially if one of those guests starts nuzzling up close. Guess what: they’re worth every second of trouble they cause. Sometimes, all we remember are the number of times a parent cursed at or about an animal. What we don’t see are the moments when a pet was curled up in that same parent’s lap. They give soooo much love in little ways that, as children, we never see. Take a chance and feel the love.
It’s okay to be happy when mean people die
Our parents tell us to respect the dead, that people dying is not a good thing. We’re generally taught that we should not rejoice over the death of people we don’t like. Bullshit. As I’m writing this, officials in California are pretty much waiting for convicted murderer Charles Manson to die. When he does, there will be a lot of people who are happy. Not only are nine people dead because of Manson and his “family,” he left behind a wave of influence that was violent and frightening. Him being dead is a good thing that, quite honestly, should have happened a long time ago. Mean people such as Charles Manson don’t deserve our respect. He’s not dead yet, but when he goes feel free to throw a party.
It’s okay to pee in the shower
I know, I know, that flies in the face of everything your mom told you when you were growing up. You know why she told you that? Because it took for freakin’ ever to get you to go in the toilet in the first place. She’s damn sure not going to risk ruining that habit by telling you it’s okay to pee in the shower. Now that you’re an adult, though, you should know that not only is it okay, some people claim it’s actually healthier than peeing in the toilet. It’s cleaner, it’s more hygienic, and it even saves water to boot. There is a limit, though. Only do this when you’re showering alone. Not everyone thinks peeing in the shower is cool and if you’re in there with someone you like a lot you are probably putting that relationship in danger if you pee in front of them. When you’re alone, though, by all means, go for it.
Sex sometimes hurts
Granted, if your parents were anything like mine, sex wasn’t a topic that came up very often. They got through the birds and the bees thing with a certain amount of anxiety. The last thing most of our parents wanted to do, though, was provide any details about sex. They tell you it feels go and can be a lot of fun, but that’s about as detailed as they want to get. The problem is that sex doesn’t always feel good and it isn’t always fun. There are dozens of reasons why sex can hurt, most of which are not life-threatening or even controllable. Not every body provides enough natural lubrication. Stress can cause normal sexual activity to feel painful. It’s not your fault and most the time there are things you can do to change the situation. It happens, though, so be ready for it. Don’t run screaming to the Dr. just because you got into a tight (literally) situation you weren’t expecting.
Cursing is sometimes a very effective form of communication
“That’s an adult word. Don’t say it.” Did your parents ever tell you that? Did your mom ever wash out your mouth with soap? Most parents are very concerned with the language we use growing up. They want us to be respectable adults, not someone people shy away from because they can’t complete a sentence without an expletive or four. For the most part, your parents are right: don’t say those words. They’re rude and often demonstrate a lack of civility and reasoning. However, there are times when cursing is totally acceptable. If you smash a digit with a hammer or in a car door, for example, know one is going to fault you for letting a few fucks fly out of your mouth. If you need to dramatically emphasize to someone just how fucking serious or angry you are, an expletive here and there helps make your point. Most the time, yes, you want to be polite and use words that are not offensive. But every once in a while … go for it.
That’s our short list. We actually have several more things like this in my book, Now That You’re 18 … which you can buy by clicking on that link. If you live close, I’ll even autograph it for you. There are a lot of things parents either don’t have time or don’t think of telling us. It’s okay. We’ll make the same mistakes and probably add to the list. We’re human. Go with it.
5 Things You Should Know: 01.05.2017
04:49:47 01/05/2017
Going back to bed is still an option
Wow, here it is Thursday already and this morning is not getting off to a good start. There’s snow on the roads here in central Indiana and already that snow appears to have claimed its first life in a vehicle accident quite literally just up the road from us. There’s more coming in, so be aware that there are slick spots all over, especially at intersections this morning. The chance of snow continues throughout the day so please be careful if you must be out.
The world is not looking to be an especially friendly place this morning as over 100 prisoners escaped from a Phillipinne jail, the impeachment trial for South Korea’s president is underway, and Chicago police have arrested four people who live streamed a kidnapping. Rather makes you wonder if the entire world has lost its freakin’ mind, doesn’t it? We have 5 things you need to know, but hang on, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
The train stops here
The Long Island Railway is the busiest commuter railway in the United States, carrying over 300,000 passengers daily. If you are one of those who uses this train to get back and forth to work in New York and Brooklyn, you know how crowded it can be during rush hours. People pack as tightly as possible into the cars, hoping to not get stuck next to someone wearing too much perfume. Those packed conditions likely contributed to over 100 people being injured when the train crashed into a bumper block and partially derailed as it pulled into Brooklyn’s Atlantic Terminal yesterday morning1.
Fortunately, none of the injuries were considered life-threatening and most of the hysteria seems to have come from the fear of not being able to escape overcrowded cars. The train had already slowed for its approach to the station, but the partial derailing was still serious enough that a rail punctured the bottom of one of the cars. Somewhere between 600-700 people were on the train when it came to an abrupt stop. The most serious injury recorded so far is a broken leg.
What’s not so clear still this morning is exactly what caused the accident. The Metropolitan Transit Authority is initially looking at the train’s driver, who says that it was the driver’s responsibility to stop the train, but no one knows yet why that didn’t happen. Trains are an integral part of the New York transit system, so expect a full investigation here. If the fault were individual or mechanical, it will no doubt be corrected as quickly as possible to prevent a repeat of yesterday’s chaos.
Hey Doc, I’m feeling a pain in the ass
If anyone had the displeasure of walking around the United States Capitol yesterday, they likely saw some rather disturbing protest signs that read, “Make America Sick Again.” The people carrying the signs were, of course, protesting Republican legislation that would largely dismantle the Affordable Care Act created under President Obama’s administration. The lines were drawn yesterday as both President Obama and Vice President-elect Mike Pence lobbied lawmakers regarding the set of health care laws2.
We knew this fight was coming and we don’t expect it to be over anytime soon. While repealing the Affordable Care Act was one of the things that brought Republicans to power in this Congress, the challenge before them is how to actually live up to that promise without leaving millions of Americans stranded without insurance and healthcare providers looking for payments that may not be coming. For his part, President Obama has been urging Democratic legislators to vehemently oppose any changes to the law, using whatever parliamentary procedures necessary to prevent a vote. After six years of complete obstruction, Republicans may be about to feel what it’s like to be on the other end of partisan politics.
Among the items that were proposed yesterday are repealing the individual mandate, which has been immensely unpopular, capping funding for Medicare, basing tax credits on age rather than income, which would shift more credits to older people who currently have none but could leave younger people with less income stranded, and allowing insurers to sell across state lines3. None of these are likely to become law without a significant fight in both houses of Congress. I’m sure this is just the first time we’ll talk about the issue. It’s not going away.
When free speech disrupts the economy
Just as the US Congress is getting back to work this week, so too are state lawmakers who often have a habit of introducing legislation that, while limited to their own state, is important because of how it could potentially spread if not found unconstitutional. One of those laws was introduced this week in the Washington State legislature where Sen. Doug Ericksen introduced legislation that would increase penalties for economic disruption from a misdemeanor to a felony with up to five years’ imprisonment4.
Exactly what is Ericksen upset about? Well, remember all those protests that occurred after the election last November? One of the nation’s largest was in Seattle, where thousands of people took to the streets to protest the electoral outcome. One of the consequences to those protests was that stores were not able to open or conduct business as usual. The Senator, and those who think like him, see this as economic disruption and their intent is to hold someone responsible for events such as this.
This is kind of scary because it very blatantly flies in the face of that little line in the US Constitution that prohibits “abridging … the right of people to peaceably assemble.” What Ericksen is going to argue is that such protests are not “peaceable.” Windows are sometimes broken. Looting sometimes occurs. What he’s looking to do, however, is shut down vocal opposition by threatening event leaders with imprisonment and a felony record. I cannot emphasize how every dangerous it is that such a law was even introduced. Watch this one closely, and don’t be afraid to protest.
A bit of good news
If there is an apparent bit of good news, it is that Americans are buying a lot of new vehicles. For the second year in a row, US car and truck sales have set a record, this time some 18.4 million of them, an increase of 0.4 percent over 20155. This would seem to be proof that America’s economy is genuinely stronger than has been perceived. The average price for a new vehicle is somewhere in the neighborhood of $35,000. That means a lot of people are spending considerably more than that. When one factors in the interest on a standard five-year loan, what we’re actually spending on those new cars is north of $100,000.
Of course, for the economy, this appears to be very good news. Stock prices for GM, Ford, and Toyota, the new “big 3” in American auto sales, were all up yesterday, as were a number of other car manufacturers. The best-selling vehicle continues to be the Ford F-150 pickup, and pickups, in general, are still the best-selling class. While December sales involved some very heavy discounts, on average around $4,000, GM says that per-vehicle sales, even with discounts, were still up some $740 from the month before.
Major sales such as automobiles are key economic indicators that not only show that we’re willing to spend money, but that we have enough confidence in the economy to make a long-term commitment. While some economists had expected a slowdown toward the end of last year, that doesn’t appear to be happening. The good news wasn’t so good for Fiat Chrysler, however, as sales there slid ten percent. Not everyone gets to be a winner.
And then the bad news
While we’re busy buying a lot of trucks, what we’re not buying are clothes and pots and pans from major retailers. Two retail giants, both Macys6 and Sears7 announced significant store closings yesterday in the face of continued declines and an absolutely horrible sales drop in the month of December. Macys is closing 68 stores by the end of the year and Sears will be shuttering some 108 Kmart stores and 42 Sears stores by April. This is on top of additional closings both stores had announced last year.
Additionally, Kohl’s says its sales were down dramatically as well, but they have yet to announce any store closings. The general retail sector as a whole took a huge hit in the last quarter of the year, with Black Friday and other holiday sales failing to generate the level of revenue generally expected during the final month of the year. Online sales and sales at niche boutiques are getting a lot of the blame for the woes at traditional retailers, with even discounters such as Wal-Mart showing slower sales than the same period last year.
This probably says something about American’s priorities that we’re buying big-ticket items like trucks and SUVs but not so much clothes and household items. We’re much more willing to hold on to the clothes and things we already have while the improved safety and fuel conservation of newer vehicles seems to be a particular draw. Where we’re spending, we are still being very careful to justify our purchases.
And that’s all we have time and space for today. We’re keeping a close eye on everything going on, including Congress and the weather. As always, no matter where you are, if you have to be out, please be safe. We’ll do the same and be back here with more stuff you should know tomorrow.
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