If We Had A Beach (2010)

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.—George Carlin

[one_half padding=”4px 10px 0 4px”]My newsfeed this morning is filled with pictures of the fucking moon. Yeah, okay, I get it; last night’s moon was super special awesome sauce with its larger appearance (it didn’t actually change size), lunar eclipse with a blood red ending that was both a full and harvest moon. Hell, for all I know, the man in the moon may have shot lasers from its eyes. I stayed up for a while, caught the first two-thirds of the eclipse, and then clouds set in. I’m not going to stay up hoping for a hole in the clouds. I have better things to do. I went to bed.

Now, what would really interest me would be if there were some really unusual occurrences that took place during all this moon fuss. I saw one person relate that their dog had been acting weird all day, but considering the source their dog probably has good reason to act weird on any given day simply because it’s their dog. Same goes for Republicans who have been acting especially stupid the past ten years; can’t blame that one on the moon. The Tipster, who is five, woke up early complaining of bad dreams, and perhaps the metaphysically-inclined person might blame that on the funky moon, but she’s five, she’s going to have the occasional bad dream. Perhaps the horn fell off her unicorn.

What I’m looking for are those really weird, unexplainable stories, like an old man walking into a convenience store at 11:59 and not buying a lottery ticket. Or an old woman crossing a busy street without the aid of a boy scout and still arriving on the other side alive and intact. That kind of weirdness has, so far, been elusive. Perhaps it just takes some time for the stories to filter down through the media. I mean, with some predicting that the moon would bring about the apocalypse, I think we have a right to expect something strange and unholy to have happened. Oh wait, the Pope returned to Italy last night, didn’t he? Maybe that’s the big event. The Pope left and now the anti-christ can appear. Don’t hold your breath on that one.[/one_half]

[one_half_last padding=”4px 4px 0 10px”]Nonetheless, the moon thing happened and over seven billion of us survived just as insane this morning as we were twenty-four hours ago. Life will go on this morning. Giorgio Armani presents his spring/summer 2016 collection just a few minutes from when I’m typing this, and that will effectively end Milan Fashion Week. Not that there aren’t additional fashion shows after his; there are four listed on the official calendar, and there are probably some other small presentations as well. It’s just that after the Armani shows no one that matters gives a fuck. Paris Fashion Week starts early in the morning. There’s a rush to the airport for that six-hour flight to Paris.

What did the moon look like in Paris? I’ve no idea. The few friends I have in Paris were sleeping, not up taking pictures of the moon. They have other things to worry about, such as the flood of wanna-be street photographers flooding the city, taking pictures of every reasonably attractive person on the street. This is a challenging time to be Parisian. Fashion Week in Paris means one has to actually stop and think about what they’re wearing before they go out to snag a baguette. Be sure, if you’re not totally put together, with hair and makeup done, someone will take your picture and splatter it all over the Internet. Then, when your mother sees it, and she will, she’ll call and ask if you’re feeling well because the picture made you look  pale and have you been eating anything other than baguettes?

Fact is, moons happen. Occurences like last night have happened before. The planet survived then, it will survive now, and it will survive when it happens again in 33 years. Maybe you’ll still be around to see that one. Maybe it won’t be so damn cloudy next time. Or maybe we just won’t care. Maybe we’ll be focusing more on helping other people, making lives better, and less worried about the apocalypse. Although, I did see a picture of a baby alpaca yesterday. He had lips. I wonder what he thought of the moon?[/one_half_last]