My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. —Rodney Dangerfield
I’m dying. Not really. I just feel as though I’m dying, and not because I was out partying last night. We just don’t have that kind of fun anymore.
Blame the dog. He slipped out of his collar last night and took off chasing some poor child on a bicycle. I had no choice but to take off after him. He wouldn’t have intentionally hurt the kid, but he easily could have caused the kid to wreck.
Oh, but he’s a bird dog. As they rounded the corner, the dog saw the creek that runs through the neighborhood. Then, he saw the ducks. Suddenly, he was no longer interested in the kid on the bicycle. I’m not sure that mallard realizes just how close he came to being soup.
So, there I am, running at full tilt, which was probably a hilarious sight for our neighbors. I don’t run. Hell, some days I have enough trouble walking. I haven’t had cartilage in my knees since I was 40, which was more than a couple of years ago. I don’t run. Ever. But there I was, running as fast as I could after the dog, chasing him down into the creek, trying to figure out some way to grab hold of him. I missed every time and every time I ended up on my face in the grass.
Kat came to the rescue in the car. All she had to do was pull up and open a door. The dog loves going for a ride more than he loves chasing ducks. Dog was crated for the rest of the night. He’s fine. Wet. Stinky. But fine.
Me, not so much. I came home and took a nitro pill. My ankle began to swell, so Kat put ice on it. I took pain stuff. This morning, I can hardly move. There’s no walking without the cane, which I hadn’t even needed in a few months. I’m dying.
At least, it sure feels like dying. My spirit is dying. I can’t handle chasing after a dog anymore. We’re putting up a fence, but it’s inevitable that someone will open the gate and off he’ll go chasing after the ducks again. And once again, I’ll have to chase after him and will come dangerously close to dying in the process.
So, I didn’t really feel like putting much effort into something smart and trendy this morning. I checked the headlines and no one has blown up a skyscraper or anything like that. You’ll survive one day without me.
And to keep you occupied, here are some nudes, in no particular order. Uncropped. No alterations.