The interesting thing is how one guy, through living out his own fantasies, is living out the fantasies of so many other people. —Hugh Hefner
I was a little surprised when I went to check what day the city would allow trick-or-treating. With Halloween falling on a Monday this year, I wouldn’t have been surprised had Saturday, or even Friday been chosen for the annual costumed candy grab. Doing the neighborhood walk thing on a Monday night isn’t really all that bad, I suppose. Sure, it keeps kids up a little past their bedtimes on a school night, but I recall doing the exact same thing when we were kids. The difference is that my brother and I were never rushed through the ritual so that our parents could get to their own party. For many kids today, Mom and Dad can’t wait to get the little ones to bed so the adults can do some partying of their own.
Halloween as an adult party time isn’t new. Since the mid-80s, it has often seemed as though October 31 is more of an adult holiday than it is for kids. Night clubs go all out with special events and costume shops have more “sexy” ideas for adults than they do cartoon characters for kids. The costumed rituals around viewings of Rocky Horror Picture Show got things started. Then, the movie Eyes Wide Shut with Tom Cruise and Nichole Kidman ignited the concept of secret erotic costume parties and adults everywhere took the idea and ran with it.
We like the idea of having one time a year where we can indulge our more erotic fantasies without necessarily revealing our identities. What better time to explore?
Women Taking The Lead
One of the reasons Halloween has continued to be a popular adult party is because women have increasingly taken the lead in exploring their more erotic fantasies. Let’s face it, of all the “sexy” costumes out there, most are for women. This isn’t just because women have embraced the concept, but also the fact that, sadly, too many guys think that showing off their junk is sexy. Sorry guys, it’s not and it never will be. Since too many men are clueless when it comes to erotic fantasies, women have dominated the topic and take charge of directing the conversation.
Since women’s sexuality is their focus, the folks over at lelo.com asked women to rank their sexual fantasies. Here’s where the poll current stands as I’m writing:
- Oral sex.
- Anal sex.
- Exploring Bicuriosity.
- Pegging (manual prostate massage).
A couple of things about that list are worth notice. First, it is a live poll so rankings change based on the people participating. Second, there’s nothing that prohibits men from voting as well, so the rankings could be skewed in a few places. This isn’t a scientific poll so the level of trustworthiness isn’t all that high.
Still, what the poll does show us is that women’s fantasies are changing and that they are definitely something they want to explore. The best-selling book 50 Shades of Grey is likely at least partially responsible for Submission and Bondage ranking so high on the poll at the moment, but these have always been a portion of the content of women’s fantasies. Why do you think the book sold so well in the first place? Fantasies, not the presence of great literature, propelled the book to the top of sales charts. Women have some imaginative fantasies and enjoy being in charge of fulfilling them.
Halloween Is The Right Time
If we’re so big on exploring our fantasies, though, why do we wait until Halloween to do anything about them? Blame a very judgmental and sexist society. While almost everyone enjoys letting their freaky side out every once in a while, we’re fearful of being “outed” for our sexual proclivities. Women get the worst of it. Slut-shaming has long been a problem in our society; one that starts even in elementary school and gets worse from there. Anyone who publicly displays any level of sexual indulgence is ridiculed, mocked, and socially derided. Not exactly a good atmosphere for trying something new and possibly kinky.
The costumed craziness of Halloween gives us a chance to play around a bit without all the risks. If everyone is being a little freaky then one person’s indulgences aren’t as likely to stand out as much. Clever costumes can even allow one a level of denial if ever charged with behavior not typically acceptable in a public setting. The erotic charge of the holiday has become common enough that any out-of-the-ordinary behavior is easily excused. “We were just goofing off, playing around,” are words often heard on November 1.
The thing about fantasies is that we’re not always sure we’ll really like them if we try them. Halloween gives us a chance to explore without being fully committed. Yet, what happens at Halloween can develop into a lot more than just “playing around.” Indulging in our fantasies can be freeing not only on a sexual level, but in our relationships as well. What starts hidden behind a mask can ultimately help us define who we are. We have the potential to find new strengths and hidden pleasures we didn’t know existed.
A Little Preparation
Not every fantasy is one that a person just jumps into by donning a costume. Just as there are things we do to protect our children while they’re out trick-or-treating, there are precautions adults should take before jumping head-first into a fantasy they’ve never tried. A little reading and a lot of communication with your partner(s) is generally a safe place to start.
Again, the folks at Lelo have some good suggestions for those just starting out.
- if you’re unsure about oral sex, check out this article as well as this one.
- Interested in submission? I strongly suggest you start by reading this article.
- Bondage requires some caution, so read this before giving it a try.
- Before even thinking about a threesome, you want to consider these details.
- Anal sex can be painful if not done correctly. Read this before you go there.
- Exhibitionism is more than just flashing the bouncer. You need to read this.
- Bicurious? Chances are you have a friend who can help but if you’re shy then take a look at this.
- Pegging also requires some care and caution. Please read this and talk to your partner before trying anything new.
- 47% of women fantasize about being dominant. For some, it’s easy. For everyone else, start here.
- Orgies can be loads of fun, but there are both rules and cautions one needs to heed.
With a little planning, Halloween can be a wonderfully expressive opportunity for you to explore and try new things. We all need an opportunity to indulge our more erotic thoughts. Decide on what you want to try, choose a creatively erotic costume, and have fun! The best treats are the ones that leave a smile on your face the next morning. Enjoy!