Not only is taking nude pictures not damaging to one’s career goals, you might become First Lady of the United States!
[Editorial note: What we are presenting below is political satire. Under NO circumstances do we support shaming anyone because of how they choose to express themselves. We consider nude photography a beautiful form of artistic expression and strongly encourage everyone to consider the experience. However, given the political climate, we couldn’t pass up this opportunity to have a little fun. We hope you can laugh with us. -cil]
DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BECOME FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES?
A new standard of expectation has been set! Posing for and publishing nude photographs are a must if you want to achieve the ultimate goal of being the First Lady to a vagina-groping, sexual assaulting dictator-in-chief!
Sure, it’s not easy to achieve such a lofty goal. Only a few can hope to ever reach such heights of infamy. However, if you’re going to latch on to someone whose ego is so large they think they can rule the world then not only do you have to have great social skills, everyone needs to know how hot you look under that slinky Versace dress! We have just the program for you!
ENROLL NOW IN OUR EXCLUSIVE FIRST LADY PREPARATORY CLASSES!
Topics covered in our private, never-leaked-to-TMZ classes include:
- How to write a speech by borrowing someone else’s words
- Modeling without a green card
- The art of smiling when you’re dying inside
- Excuses part 1: knowing when to believe them
- Excuses part 2: how to create your own
- Fending off unwanted advances from the Senate Majority Leader and other creepy old men
- Looking innocent during your husband’s impeachment hearings
Each class is taught by experienced professionals who’ve been putting up with government S.O.B.s for decades. You won’t find a better set of experts anywhere!
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
Each class participant gets their own eXclusive nude photo shoot with our award-winning photographer!
Often derided and looked down upon by those snooty establishment types, having a quality set of nude photos distributed to the press is critical to your success as First Lady to a Despot! Let everyone know who is actually running the show by demonstrating exactly how you captivate and control the minds of weak men. Visiting dignitaries will completely ignore every other bureaucrat in the room just for a chance to stare longingly at your cleavage! Once you have their gaze, you can grab them by the balls (or any other anatomical feature of your liking) and negotiate peace on YOUR terms!
Avoid The 2018 Rush and ACT NOW!
Sure, the current fascist is supposed to be in office for four years, but nothing’s ever guaranteed in this business. After all, these are all OLD men we’re talking about. You never know when their little excuse for a heart might give out! There are many things that could cause the position of First Lady to suddenly become open.