A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. —Friedrich Nietzsche

When Fridays turn foul we do best to just wait the day out and hope for a better tomorrow

There are days when there is absolutely nothing you can do to boost productivity. Some days are just bad and this is feeling very much like it is going to be one of them. Here it is the start of Spring, still early in April, and while we might expect the rain we’ve been having, waking up to a 30-degree temperature this morning isn’t exactly a good way to start the weekend. The cold snap we’re experiencing is thwarting plans left and right and making the children difficult which in turns makes me irritable.

Since productivity is out the window, for the fifth time this week, my plan for today is to simply survive. There’s really no other choice. The kids are feeling the cabin fever just as much as I am and if I want to keep the noise level down to a point where I’m not committing violent crimes against all of humanity then we’re going to have to make this Friday a most casual one and do something I would normally not recommend doing: watching movies.

Of course, for this casual Friday to actually work, I have to select just the right movies, a blend that will keep the little one’s from further destroying the house while simultaneously not drive me to the point of wanting to nuke the entire Disney operation. This isn’t easy. Fortunately, Netflix has a large number of options and recommendations. So, here’s what we’re going to try (hint, click on the titles to go directly to the movies):

The Mummy

I consider it part of my duty to both instill a sense of fear in children everywhere and I can think of no better way to do that than through really cheesy action and adventure flicks. Let’s face it: anything with Brandon Frazer is automatically covered in a pretty heavy dose of cheese. It’s casual Friday, though, so maybe we’ll just use that cheese and make nachos.

Spy Hard

The late Leslie Nielson brought a level of humor and satire to movies that I know is going to sail right over the kids’ heads. That’s okay. There’s enough slapstick to make them laugh. Leave the more subtle aspects for me. Maybe one day the kids will look back and think, “Why did anyone let me watch this?”

Barbarella

Just kidding. Tossed that one in to give Kat a startle. Happy casual Friday, dear!

Bewitched

Proof that Will Ferrel can make a really lousy movie that flops at the box office. I loved the original series, but this just stinks from one end to the other. Perfect for kids who don’t know the meaning of the word “quiet.”

Big Trouble In Little China

Okay, this one’s actually pretty good and by this point in the day I’m going to need something with the right blend of comedy and action and racial stereotypes. Well, okay, I could do without the racial stereotypes. Still, my hope is this is the one that puts them down for a willing nap. Every casual Friday needs a nap, doesn’t it?

I should probably note that were there no children in the equation my list would look dramatically different. I’d much rather watch a good documentary such as Ken Burn’s piece on the Roosevelts, which I’ve still not finished. That would have the little ones bouncing off the walls, though, and this casual Friday would become chaotic Friday and we really, really don’t want that. Not again.

Yes, this is a perfect example of really horrible parenting. You shouldn’t do this. Do not follow my example. If you need to have a casual Friday of your own, I’m sure there are much more wholesome and educational activities with which you could pass the time with your children. I’m sure your children are wonderful, beautiful, and always incredibly well behaved and listen to every instruction you give them. These two don’t, though, and since nothing else this week has worked I’m throwing in the towel and turning on the television. I’m sorry. If you think something different should happen, you are more than welcome to come take over. The backdoor is unlocked (I think).

Oh, and despite the pictures above, this casual Friday does not involve nudity. Again, kids. If they weren’t here, however … (ahem).

Enjoy your casual Friday. If there are no new articles tomorrow you’ll know I didn’t survive.