This isn’t really an article
I just am in the mood to write and throw some words together in a form that slightly resembles sentences.
I let myself “sleep in” for this first time in forever this morning. Sort of. I still had to get up and let the dog out and feed him, pay some attention to the cats, refresh the water bowls. Those things have to happen on schedule or there are messes made in direct retaliation. Animals are ruthless that way. Still, I let myself stretch out on the couch and snooze for another 45 minutes. That leaves me now, though, with this need to write without actually having anything that I’m supposed to write.
Stream of consciousness. Or, perhaps more accurately, stream of unconsciousness. I’m awake but there’s a large part of me that doesn’t feel awake. The children, of course, prevent anyone in the house from getting any sleep once they’re up, and they’re always up too fucking early. Always. All of them. Not just ours but every child across the planet. Too damn early. It’s a conspiracy. I blame school. They have to get up so fucking early for school that their little bodies are unable to make adjustments for the weekend. School shouldn’t start before 9. Ever.
Wait, I’m going to need pictures for this, aren’t I? Damn. I already know I don’t have anything that fits. Oh well, that doesn’t seem to bother anyone too much. At least, if it does, they never say anything. Not to me. I’m told there are people talking behind my back. Spineless chickens. There are so many easy ways to contact me, especially through our Facebook page, and rarely does anyone bother to do so. Not to complain.
Old and slow with a sense of humor
I’m old and don’t get around like I once did. A friend from California is in town this weekend and it would have been nice to go out and catch up with her last night, but no, between the threat of ice and the deep desire to commune with my pillow nothing happened. I’d still like to see Sam, hear what adventures she’s had in SoCal, so maybe we’ll be able to work something out. Still, I’m old and one of the hallmarks of age is not just a lessened ability to be mobile, but less desire. Sad, really.
Which is why I just saw Deadpool for the first time yesterday. I sat here and watched it with my 18-year-old son, who, like his brothers, is a comic book nerd. No, I’m not sure how it happened that all three of them are that way. Anyway, we sat here and laughed all the way through the movie. Then, because timing is everything, this morning I come across this interview about the sequel. I am now uncharacteristically excited about a sequel that I probably won’t see until 2019 or so. You would think with all the technology they’d find a way to put these things together a wee bit faster. But then, writing. That still takes as long as it always has.
Even though I’m old and slow, though, hearing the six-year-old Tipster call me a “jack a-s-s” through the door still makes me laugh. Hard. She just did it again. She knows she’s not supposed to say the word ass because we don’t have a donkey so it’s an adult word. She can spell it, though. And she does. This morning, I’m a jack a-s-s because I won’t let her stand in the hallway right in front of her step-brother’s door making noise. “Go back to your room and close your door,” I told her. That makes me a jack a-s-s, in her opinion, and it also makes me laugh. Perhaps I shouldn’t. Perhaps I should be upset. But you know what? I’m not. She’s not actually saying the word. She created a workaround to express herself. I’m good.
Hashtags that are too damn long
#WhatIWouldTellA15YearOldMe is trending. I’m guessing the hashtag was started by a 16-year-old. Twitter only gives you 164 characters to begin with. By the time you add that hashtag you only have 112 characters left with which to give yourself a world of useful advice. That’s not going to be nearly enough room, dude. 15-year-olds need a lot of advice. They won’t listen to it, of course, because they’re 15. They think they know everything already. We all did. We forgot it all by the time we were old enough to actually use that alleged wisdom, though.
#WhatIWouldTellA15YearOldMe is still too long for a hashtag, though. What’s even more disappointing is all the really lousy advice people were giving themselves. Like, “he’s not really that into you.” REALLY? You have 112 characters to give yourself advice that will make your life better and that is how you’re going to use it? You might want to take another swipe at that, Skippy. Or wait another 15 years.
When I think back to when I was 15 years old, I’m embarrassed. I mean, it’s one thing to not fit in, which I didn’t. Or, at least I didn’t think I did. It’s another problem altogether to feel as though you need to exploit just how different you are, which I did. So, what advice would I really like to give my 15-year-old self if I thought there was a bat’s chance in hell of my listening (I wouldn’t)? Something like this:
- Stop trying to please your parents so goddam much and find out who you really are.
- A fair portion of your classmates are gay and too scared to admit it. Support them without outing them.
- Wear jeans.
- Stop skipping biology.
- Don’t let your parents determine who you date. Open your damn mouth and ask the girl out.
- Go ahead and fucking rebel. Yes, there will be consequences, but you’ll be better in the long run for having done so.
“There is a law about staying up all night”
Those are the most recent words from the angry six-year-old. I have no idea what she’s talking about. To my knowledge, no one stayed up all night. No one wants to stay up all night. Although, there are times it certainly feels like we did. Six-year-olds, much like 15-year-olds, say a lot of things that don’t make sense. I wonder where they get it from? Oh, wait, I may have an answer for that.
Peta has bought shares in Louis Vuitton Moet Hennessey (LVMH). Something about crocodiles and handbags.
The Uneasy Truth Behind Amazon’s Hiring Blitz And What Startups Are Doing To Fix It. So, you’re telling me all this job growth may not be a good thing long term?
Senate intelligence panel to probe Russia hacking. That article isn’t nearly as interesting as the headline makes it sound. There’s no intelligence and they’re not actually inserting things into Russians. Dammit.
Plan for pink ‘pussyhats’ in Washington after Trump’s inauguration. Don’t even try to tell me you don’t want to read that article. Politics aside, the thought of 200,000 women wearing pink pussyhats on their head makes me wish I was there to take pictures. These women are marching for a cause but don’t think for a moment they won’t take their pussyhats and party like hell afterward. Feminists really know how to pound some liquor.
C’mon, work with me here. That pun is funny.
I’m glad I’m not an Oscar Meyer wiener
That is what I do not want to be.
For if I were an Oscar Meyer wiener,
There would soon be nothing left of me.
Don’t pretend you didn’t just sing that in your head. Unless you’re like, 15 years old, in which case you’ve no clue what the reference is in the first place. We don’t always end up being what we wanted to be when we were 15. Hell, when I was 15 I didn’t even have a good grasp of what the possibilities actually were. What’s worse, there are more opportunities now than ever and I still don’t think we’re doing enough to help 15-year-olds achieve the broader vision of what they have the potential to do. We’re failing.
But, within the realm of things I’m glad I’m not, an Oscar Meyer wiener isn’t the worst possibility. I wouldn’t want to be any of these things, either:
- Owner of a fake news site or a fake online magazine. Both are matters of vanity on the part of the people who own them. Both are meant to deceive. Both are trash.
- Member of the president-elect’s transition team. There’s nothing good about being that close to the Great Orange.
- Part of the maintenance crew at Trump Tower. Can you imagine the amount of puke they must have to clean up after people meet with the president-elect or his staff?
- A Washington, D.C. police officer having to work the inauguration crowd next Friday. Feel sorry for those people. They’re not going to have a good day.
- Stuck on an icy road in Missouri. The second death was just reported. Nothing about the weather down there is good at the moment.
So, we’ve established that life could be worse. That doesn’t mean that it can necessarily be better. Not right now. Not under these circumstances. Not with the $11 I have in my wallet. I already have coffee and chocolate and scotch. I already have a hot fiancé. I already have incredible kids. There may be a lot of things that I want, but that doesn’t mean any of them would make my life any better. Quantity does not determine quality.
Okay, I wouldn’t mind being a Nobel prize winner. That would be cool. Nothing I do really qualifies me for any of their categories, though.
Annnnnnnnd, I’m done writing now. My fingers just said, “stop.” Not audibly, of course. They’re just starting to really, really hurt. Fucking pain. I’d complain but you wouldn’t understand, and if you did it would only be because you’re suffering the same thing and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Well, maybe the president-elect’s thumbs, if that would keep him off Twitter.
I need more coffee, too. And I suppose I should find some pictures to slap on here. I think I know where to look. Totally not related to anything I’ve written, but they’re pictures that are part of a story. You like a story, don’t you? Of course you do. Especially when you get to make up the details for yourself.
Have fun with life.
5 Things You Should Know: 01.13.2017
05:04:22 01/13/2017
Is Anybody Out There?
Here it is, the first Friday the 13th of the year. Of course, there’s trouble brewing as temperatures going into this evening sit right on the cusp of providing freezing rain or sleet and making everything a mess. Best guess at this point is that most of the mess is going to stay South of Indianapolis, but expect this evening’s rush hour to be a pain in the ass. Of course, why should traffic be any different from the rest of the day?
And that is why this is likely to be the last edition of 5 Things You Should Know, at least in this format. It’s too much of a pain in the ass for the few people who bother to read or view it. We spend at least six hours, often more, sorting through the news, choosing the right stories, and then selecting pictures. And for what? No one’s watching. On average, we have the same five people visiting every day. The past two weeks we’ve been asking for sponsors and gotten no response. Maybe it’s time to move on.
But did anyone notice?
Anyone who is plugged into any form of media the past twelve hours already knows that there was a ten-minute span yesterday when the C-Span feed was replaced with the feed for Russia Today1. The switch occurred about 2:30 Thursday afternoon as Congresswoman Maxine Waters was trying to convince her more ignorant colleagues why the Securities and Exchange Commission is actually an important part of our government. The feed cut Ms. Waters off mid-sentence and went to music.
You’ve seen this story all over the media because Russia Today has been implicated by US intelligence as participating in the Russian effort to interfere with and influence the presidential election. Could this have been more of the infamous hacking over which everyone has been arguing? Probably not. The private company that owns C-Span released a statement saying that it was much more likely that the error was due to a routing problem.
The question that is on my mind is how long it took before anyone actually noticed that there was an interruption? It’s not like C-Span is the highest-rated network in the country. Most the people who watch it are hard-core political nerds and reporters desperately looking for something resembling a story. If Russia wants to really undermine faith in our political system, perhaps they should consider hacking the feed for the inauguration next week. Although, once again, would anyone notice?
Applying a little lube
We know Congress is about to screw us. They said when they were running for election that they were going to screw us and for some stupid reason we voted for them anyway. So, we should not be surprised by the fact that Congress is about to make it easier for them to repeal the Affordable Care Act2. Assuming the House of Representatives votes along party lines, which is what they’ve been doing the past six years, they’ll change the rules today so that repeal bills can pass through the Senate without chance of a Democratic filibuster.
This is the type of action that you might think would be illegal. After all, the Consitution created the allowance for a filibuster so that the minority party could at least give the majority party a chance to think before they did something stupid. However, Republicans don’t like to think and they certainly don’t want to give the American people time to rally around a filibuster and express their disagreement with what politicians are wanting to do.
The rule change does not require a presidential signature. Once both bodies have approved the change it goes into effect. Be sure, this is all about making it easier for the rich to avoid paying taxes and to eliminate things such as Medicaid expansion and subsidies to help pay for health insurance. This bill is nothing more than the lube being applied before we all get screwed. This is the Congress you elected. Don’t act so fucking surprised.
Fashion isn’t so profitable
We’ve talked frequently before about how fashion retail tends to be in a tailspin. Now, it would seem that at least some designers are getting caught up in the downturn as well. Bibhu Mohapatra, the New York-based Indian designer who has often dressed Michelle Obama, filed for bankruptcy this week3. Fortunately, this does not mean that the colorful designer is going out of business. Rather, the bankruptcy protection allows the company to restructure its debt and continue operating.
What this underscores is just how difficult it is for an independent label to survive in the current fashion climate. Mohapatra is one of a handful of small labels that operates on both sides of the Atlantic and has a reasonably strong following. However, with the general climate in fashion going toward more casual wear and a fast fashion model, designers like Bibhu find themselves in a position of having to alter both their aesthetic as well as their business model if they hope to keep up.
This also puts a light on how dependent small designers are on department stores. Mohapatra’s collection is available largely through upper-end retailers such as Bergdorf Goodman and Saks Fith Avenue, both have which, like many fashion retailers, have struggled to maintain their clientele. The struggles at the store trickle down to the designers whose operations are too small to open their own storefronts. The debt restructuring should make the small brand more attractive to investors. We know LVMH has been doing some shopping and the brand might fit well within that conglomerate.
Trying to find something different
Hedi Slimane seems to be having some difficulty finding where he fits best. The former creative director at Yves Saint Laurent, who left suddenly without explanation last March, was probably hoping that another label would want to take advantage of his often controversial design habits. They didn’t. While there were plenty of transitions throughout the fashion industry last year, none of the major labels even expressed an interest in Slimane. So, he has decided to become a photographer, instead4.
Now, to be fair, this isn’t totally an out-of-reach move for the now former designer. When he was at Saint Laurent, he would sometimes step behind the camera to shoot the brand’s campaign himself. However, we should also note that his doing so largely copied that same habit by Chanel’s Karl Lagerfeld and neither of them manage to actually impress anyone who knows anything about fashion photography. At least Lagerfeld has some experience behind him whereas Slimane has none.
So, here goes the designer into a crowded field of people who know a lot more about photography than he does, banking largely on the recognizability of his name to make up for a lack of talent and experience. What we’ve seen from him so far is a very high contrast black and white style that falls flat and fails to show any real imagination. While I never really liked Slimane as a designer, I don’t think photography is where he belongs, either. Perhaps he should enroll in a community college somewhere.
And finally …
All good things must come to an end, as we know, and often times those ends come without much fanfare or appreciation for what was accomplished. Many people retire and find themselves sitting alone on park benches talking to the pigeons while wondering if anything they’ve done in their life is worthwhile. Joe Biden will not be one of those people, however. After nearly 50 years of public service, the last eight spent as the ultimate sidekick to President Obama, Biden finally got some recognition yesterday in the form of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, with distinction5.
Almost immediately, video of the moment when the vice president realized what was happening went viral. Somehow, despite existing in an atmosphere where nothing seems to ever be secret, the president and his staff were able to surprise his friend with the nation’s most prestigious non-military award. I’ve no clue what Joe thought was about to happen, but he was clearly caught off guard and had to turn away and wipe tears from his eyes as the president made the announcement.
While vice presidents generally come and ago without much notice or notoriety, over the past eight years Joe Biden has become the nation’s favorite grandfather figure and his BFF relationship with the president has inspired thousands of memes and points of humor, which the pair have played up much to everyone’s delight over the past year. What we don’t want to overlook, however, is that Vice President Biden would be deserving of this award even if he wasn’t so chummy with the president. His is a record of incredible service and when he boards the train back to Deleware next week, we’re going to miss him very much.
And that’s it. We’re done. I have no idea what’s coming next, if there’s anything coming at all. What I do know is that the lack of response we’ve gotten to this format requires I take a step back and consider some form of change. I thought there might be value in cutting through all the mass media bullshit and fake news. Apparently, I was wrong. So, we’ll take the weekend off, re-evaluate what seems reasonable, and perhaps come back with something new. Or not. Either way, good luck and have a good day.
Share this:
Like this: